With the Sun at My Back

Driving once again on this dusty gravel road, heading east without a map, and  hoping I’ll eventually find the interstate.  You know, I never would have ventured aimlessly out into the world all alone before I left my marriage.  But here I am exploring a little piece of the Iowa countryside looking for my dreams.  My thoughts about Francesca begin to shift as the miles wear on.  The red blink, blink, blink on my cell phone is a constant reminder (as if I could forget) of the wink message from the dating site.

Someone out there was reading my profile.  Learning that I’m light-hearted and easy to talk to.  He was looking at my picture.  I wonder what it is that he sees in me to inspire him enough to send me a wink.  I try to imagine which of the profiles I have viewed, which face is it that I saw, that ‘s been looking at back at me?  What face is behind this wink?

I press down a little farther on the gas pedal.  Only 23 more miles until I reach the hotel and an internet connection.  Will he be tall, intelligent and spontaneous?  Or will he be 5’9 with a few extra pounds, tender-hearted and shy?  Will he be a bad boy with a Harley and a devilish grin?  Right now – all that matters is that he is interested enough in me to make a contact.  The next step is mine.  I take a deep breath as I pull into the parking lot of the hotel.


** Disclaimer:  The intention of this blog is NOT to divulge anyone’s identity.  Names of the men in my posts have been changed to allow for their privacy.  Likewise, my posts are NOT intended to embarrass anyone or to hurt anyone’s feelings.  I’m simply sharing my perspective of the experiences I have as I find myself middle-aged, single and dating online.  I’ve learned a great deal about myself and about life in general through these experiences.  I hope you will too. 

Each interaction that we have with another person is an opportunity to learn a life lesson.  Those lessons are about us.. not about the other person.  So as I share my experiences and as I share details of the people who appear in my life, remember that they came to teach me. I am grateful for them and for their participation in my learning.**


I open the hatch on my car and there it is, all of it…  my suitcase, tote bag, make up bag, and computer case.  My pillow, coffee mug, cell phone charger, and of course my purse, all add to the conglomeration of what I have to carry to my room.  I shake my head and think loudly..  “I am SUCH a girl sometimes!”

I’d really like to be a simple girl.  One who can wake up in the morning with a rosy-pink glow on her cheeks – shiny soft hair falling softly around her shoulders – simply stunning.  I’d like to be that girl, but let’s be honest here.. that’s just not me.  However, I do manage to load everything onto one shoulder or another,  Although I look like a bag lady, for some reason, I take pride that I can get it all inside in one trip.

Once I’ve landed all of my gear on the bed, I quickly set up my laptop.  The red blink, blink, blink is screaming for my attention.    A few final clicks on the computer keys and the dating site is loading.  I’m about to see who’s been winking in my direction.

Hawk is his profile name.  He’s a widow.  He’s described himself as tall, with blue eyes and silver hair.  Average build.  He enjoys intimate talks, bike rides, music and drives in the country.   The down side is that he has no picture on his profile.  Hmmmm….  I wonder why.  I finish reading his profile…  it all sounds very nice.  There are things we have in common. It seems a good start.

Being the newly bold and daring girl I’d like to be… I decided to send him an email, through the dating site of course.  I came up with a profound little note:  “Thank you for the wink, it seems we have some things in common, I’d be interested in getting to know you.”    I clicked “send”, and now we wait.

It’s been about four hours at this point since I got that wink message.  I wonder how long it will be before he writes back.  I wonder if he’ll write back.

I occupy myself by unpacking my clothes for tomorrow, checked out the restaurant list in the hotel guide on the desk.  I went down to the lobby to check the newspaper for the movie guide. Then back in my room, I checked the dating site…  no response yet.  It’s been 15 minutes.  I guess he’s not sitting there with baited-breath waiting like I am.  I decided to give him some time.  Dinner and a movie.  That’s how long I can occupy myself.



One thought on “With the Sun at My Back

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s