Remember the Sesame Street jingle that goes.. “One of these things is not like the other…” And you had to pick out the thing that did not match. Well, dating is the same way.
We learn trust in a relationship when a person’s behavior remains constant or the same. We can depend on a person to act and react relatively the same in most situations. If they tell us they’ll be home at 5:00 and they do come home at 5:00 every day, we learn to believe that they will do what they say. That’s called trust.
When a person’s usual behavior changes it alerts us to pay attention. We need to observe and to question in order to gain a new understanding so that our level of trust and comfort in the relationship remains. It’s how we take care of ourselves in a relationship.
When a partner says I’ll be back in an hour and 3 hours later we still haven’t heard a word, well that’s called lots of things, lol. Like rude, disrespectful, and stupid. Why stupid, you ask? Well.. because those inconsistencies teach us that we can’t trust. That their word is not believable. Most people don’t want us to distrust them. Most people don’t want us to doubt their word.
Hawk had greeted me with a text every morning for a few weeks now. I looked forward to hearing from him. Those texts began my day with a smile. It was like a piece of the sunrise coming in on my phone. The sun rises every morning.. you can trust that.
The smile I went to sleep with was still there when I woke up. I felt happy. I went into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. And as my own routine would have it, I logged onto my computer. I checked the usual emails and the weather forecast for the day. Partly cloudy, with increasing northwest winds and temperatures dropping throughout the afternoon, with a chance of rain. The high for the day… that had occurred already. Why? Because this morning Hawk did not text. We were heading for a low pressure system.
I felt a little gnawing in the pit of my stomach by 8:30. I tried to overlook it. I didn’t want to believe it, but something was not as it had always been for the past few weeks. Hawk did not text. Not this morning. I sent him the same good morning text he’d always sent me. But there was no response.
My mind wandered throughout the morning. I replayed our meeting over and over in my mind. Trying to figure out if I had done something or said something that he could have misconstrued. Maybe he just didn’t like me. Maybe he was just being kind when he said I was beautiful. Maybe he didn’t think so in person. My mind wandered down dark hallways right to the cesspool of insecurity.
I sent Hawk an email once a day… asking if he was alright, asking if I had done something wrong, then I finally reminded him that whenever I was being quiet during a conversation, he would say, “tell me what you’re thinking.” On the fourth day he replied. “I’m a mess. I shouldn’t have met you. I wasn’t ready. Go on without me.”
I went to the window with tears in my eyes, and as I looked to the northwest, in the grayish-blue sky, I could see a silver-haired Hawk flying away.
All that afternoon a cold rain fell on the sidewalk outside my apartment. A chill ran through me as I opened a new box of tissues. I reached for my big fuzzy blue blanket and I wrapped myself in its comforting warmth.