Windows, Doors and Hallways

We’ve all heard it a million times… ‘when one door closes, somewhere a window opens.’  But they (who ever ‘they are) forgot to mention the hallways.  The hallways are what lie between the doors and windows.

As Hawk left my life a window closed.  I had enjoyed the open window where I found him.  I enjoyed the conversations at the end of each day.  I enjoyed his texts first thing in the morning.  Even though I lived alone, I  felt as if he was there with me.  When we’d talk I’d be moving through my apartment, from the livingroom to the kitchen for a snack, then to the bedroom for my slippers, and back to the livingroom where I’d relax on the couch.  He was with me, talking to me, every step of the way.

I knew at some point I’d meet someone else.  I felt a loss though when the window closed.  I hate losses.  I guess I’ve had a lot of them over the years.  People that come and go, in and out of our lives.  I have a big heart, and each person I meet holds a little place in it.  There are special places in my heart for my children, and for Tammy and Michele.  There are even a couple hidden places in there.  Maybe we’ll talk about that someday.  But for now, I was focusing on the place I’d given to Hawk.  When he came into my life, my heart began to stretch a little bit each time we’d talk.  Then one day he’d settled into a spot, and now that spot is empty.  That’s the place I call a hallway.  The place that’s in-between.  In-between what was and what will be.  I always visualize the hallways being kind of dark and cold.  So I don’t like them very much.  I think I’m on my way to re-programing my thinking to find the joy that must be in the hallway somewhere.

Within a few days I got my first chance to practice a brighter, warmer hallway.  I would fill my lonely times by scanning through all sorts of things on my computer.  Emails, Facebook and of course the dating site.  Tammy would call every now and then and tell me about new dating sites she’d hear of.  There is one site that delivers you a new mini date every five minutes.  The site forwards you other people who are signed on at that particular time and you can have a live chat with them through the site.  Their profile pops up and you can view it as you ‘chat’ with them.  If there is a connection, you can continue to chat past the five minutes.

There are the sites that have lengthy questionnaires and go to great extents to choose a potential dating partner.  There are sites that have a religious base, sites that pair you according to personality styles.  I did a profile on each one of them.  That’s when things really picked up around here.  The Binder could hardly keep up.  Lots of doors began to appear in the hallway.

While I was signed into a site, other members there can ‘see’ that you’re online.  Lucky happened to be online and sent me another email.   We emailed back and forth for about an hour.  It turns out Lucky was in the same line of work as I am.  He had even worked at a center I was familiar with.  We found a connecting point.  Counseling.  Maybe it’s because of the personal things that people talk about with a counselor, but Lucky began sharing all sorts of things about his life, his ex-wife, their marriage, and his children.   I took it as a compliment that he felt comfortable with me and we agreed to talk again, and we shared phone numbers.

Then as I was putting down the details about Lucky in the Binder I got a chat message from Coach.  This was turning out to be a very productive day.  Coach asked if I had a messenger account with my email site.  I said yes and after a couple of clicks, we began a series of hilarious chats.  Coach is a very intelligent and witty man.  I had the best time bantering back and forth.  He’s like a breath of fresh air, just when I needed it.


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