The days are busy now. Lots of new beginnings and an ending that doesn’t want to close its final curtain. I got an emotional call from Lucky. He’s missed me and would like to give ‘us’ another opportunity. I tried to explain to him that I think he’s a wonderful man, kind and thoughtful. A perfect gentleman. I also had to explain that he and I are in different places on our journeys. He’s been divorced for quite a long time and my divorce isn’t yet completed. He was looking for a long-term partner and I was looking, but uncertain yet who or what for.
That’s when I realized that Lucky had been creating a relationship between he and I in his mind. He had been playing a ‘what if’ sort of game. What if she and I hit it off. What if we fall in love. What if we find forever together. He was putting together a puzzle piece by piece according to how his wishes and needs were guiding him. Lucky was looking too far forward. He forgot to just find the blessings and gifts that today had to offer. He forgot to enjoy what we had and by trying to move it ahead before we had built a foundation, the whole thing crumbled. Lucky wasn’t sad over losing me, he was grieving the dream he had created. I felt so sad and by the end of the conversation both he and I were in tears. I could see what he wanted, and I could see that before.. I would have given he and I another opportunity. And I would have worked to compromise myself into a future with Lucky.
I guess maybe I’ve done some growing. I knew that would only get me back to the same place I’d been in before. Lost and invisible. I would once again lose the ‘me’ I was trying so hard to find. This is my chance to live MY life. To be able to reach for the dreams I once had and maybe even find some new dreams along the way. Although Lucky is a nice man, he was needing me to be a certain way for him. I have to be me.. for me. And if some day the right man comes along… I’ll know it. Until then, I’m going to meet people and enjoy sharing some time and have some adventures.
It wasn’t long before an adventure appeared. Winkin called and said he had an afternoon free and wondered if I’d like to meet for lunch. I thought it sounded like a fantastic idea. I scurried through a hair and make up production and headed out. We were meeting at the half way point. This seems to be a favorable option as many of the potential dating partners live some distance away. I should be getting a discount at Perkins for all of the business I was bringing their way, lol. I choose it because no matter where you are, you can find one. There’s always something on the menu that everyone likes and it’s easy to find with that big flag soaring in the wind. I arrived in the area a little bit early and went to browse at Target. Of course I found a couple of new and rather flattering sweaters. And I decided to wear the purple one to lunch. Nothing like a last-minute switch.
Winkin was right on time. I like a prompt man. As he got out of his car I walked across the sidewalk and gave him a hug. I’m finding this hug thing does a good job of breaking the ice on an otherwise nervous moment. He held my hand we walked inside and were seated at our table. It seemed we had so much to talk about that the poor waitress had to come back three times just to get our drink order. Winkin shared about his interest in history and the trips he’s taken. It was all so interesting in the stories he was telling me. Every once in a while during our lunch, He would reach over and hold my hand for a bit. It was very sweet. He was very sweet. I could hardly believe it was mid-afternoon by the time we left Perkins. After another hug in the parking lot, then I was on my way back home with a smile on my face.
I had gotten in the habit of checking my online dating sites frequently. It seems there are sooo many options that things change in a matter of just a few hours. Today I’d received an email from an interested party. I clicked on his profile. Another man right off of Interstate 35. This one is not far from me to the north. He’s got brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes. I’ll call him Wheels. His profile picture is different from most I’ve seen so far. Wheels is in a farm field wearing a bright orange hunting vest and he’s showing a deer that he’s gotten. He’s got a very nice smile… Wheels does, not the deer. I read through his profile and then the email. Then I got out another sheet of paper for The Binder.