Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

The Forks in the Road

Each day seems to be its own journey for me.  Life seems to pull me forward in the direction I need to go.  To learn the lessons that I need to master.  From the time I receive an alert from a dating site that someone has viewed my profile, or sent me a wink or an email, a new journey begins.  It comes when life says it comes.  Not when I’m sitting in my little apartment bored out of my head.   Not when I’ve already taken three walks in the cold, late fall wind.  Even the crushed leaves on the sidewalk wish I’d find something to do.   I  take road trips with no particular destination in mind.  Honestly, I think I’m trying to figure out which direction to go, so I try each one that presents itself.  Cause you only regret the things that you didn’t try, right?

On these days with so much unoccupied time, that’s when my unresolved feelings come out to play.  They don’t always play nice.  Usually I feel kind of melancholy and unsettled inside with these unresolved things.  I have found that taking a long drive allows me to have a distant focus, while still leaving me quiet time in my own head to work things out.  Today is one of those days.  I headed to the gas station to fill up and get a soda for the trip.  It isn’t long before I’m on the highway heading east.  I like to drive fast.  Not like a race car driver, but on the highway, 80 is a nice round number.  I know, some of you are gasping.. but I’m being honest.  I do get one speeding ticket a year, always in the fall.  I haven’t figured out why.  But we’ll leave that for another day, lol.

With the music playing, I just drive.   My mind wanders aimlessly as I follow the barren concrete path that rolls on in front of my car.  I never run out of road.  There’s always more just over the next hill.  I hear a song and it triggers a thought or a memory and my mind plays it through, either to its conclusion or until some other thought or song interrupts and then my mind is off in a new direction.  Kind of like one of those free roaming vacuum cleaners that goes around your house and when it bumps into something it turns in a new direction.  Well, welcome to my mind.

I spend this time daydreaming, playing out options or scenarios in my head.  Life never really goes in these directions, but it helps me release the tension in my head, and makes me feel like I’m really going somewhere.  That my path hasn’t ended here.

Fork in the Road

I stopped at  a park along the way.  The sun had come out and I thought the warmth of the sun might help to melt away the cold spot inside of me.  It was a pretty park.  I hadn’t been here before, so there was exploring to do.  I don’t know what I was hoping to find, but I always go in anticipation.   As I walked along the leaf strewn paths, I’d trip every now and then on the roots that were growing across the dirt pathways.  Then I realized that it wasn’t the root that was interrupting my walk, it was me who was here interrupting the roots growth.  That’s when it came to me.. I needed to change my perspective.  I needed to look at things in a new way.  I began to feel lighter as I continued along the path.

Then there it was, the proverbial fork in the road.  It was a little bit sunny, a little bit shady, parts were filled with leaves and others with roots.  But both ways were completely pass-able.  I realized it didn’t matter which path I took, because either one was going to take me exactly where I needed to go, and that I would enjoy whatever was down the road.
Once I got back to my car, I felt refreshed and ready once again to jump back into my life.  I turned up the radio and bopped along to the music as I found my way back to the highway.  It was nearing dark when I got home.  And as I climbed the stairs to my apartment and opened the creaky door, I realized this little small place was taking care of me.  It was too small for me to become a recluse, so it forced  me out into the world and back into my life.
I signed onto my computer and checked out my email and of course the dating sites.  Just then I got a text from Coach.  It said “BOO”   As I read the text, I got mad.. BOOTY CALL was what he was really hoping for.  It’s again a Sunday evening,  he was probably on his way back from visiting his kids and was getting close to my area, and thought he could get a hot something.  Well, I’m not the Interstate Truck Stop or the IHOP.  I deserve to be asked on a date.  A “pick you up at the door, take you for dinner and a movie” kind of date.  Not the “I’ll drop by your place late on Sunday night as I’m driving through when it’s convenient for me” kind of date.  Cause that’s NOT a date.  (I could hear Helen Reddy singing “I am Woman hear me roar” in the background.)  I love me.. I value me.. I respect me.  And if you don’t, bye-bye.

3 thoughts on “The Forks in the Road

    1. My whole blog from the first post in October is about my online dating experiences that began over a year ago. Each day, I post a new experience and what things I was learning along the way. Thanks for reading!

  1. Absolutely….we get better at spotting the ones who see us as mother figures, counsellors or ‘drop ins’ and goodness there are a load of them out there!

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