Each day seems to be its own journey for me. Life seems to pull me forward in the direction I need to go. To learn the lessons that I need to master. From the time I receive an alert from a dating site that someone has viewed my profile, or sent me a wink or an email, a new journey begins. It comes when life says it comes. Not when I’m sitting in my little apartment bored out of my head. Not when I’ve already taken three walks in the cold, late fall wind. Even the crushed leaves on the sidewalk wish I’d find something to do. I take road trips with no particular destination in mind. Honestly, I think I’m trying to figure out which direction to go, so I try each one that presents itself. Cause you only regret the things that you didn’t try, right?
On these days with so much unoccupied time, that’s when my unresolved feelings come out to play. They don’t always play nice. Usually I feel kind of melancholy and unsettled inside with these unresolved things. I have found that taking a long drive allows me to have a distant focus, while still leaving me quiet time in my own head to work things out. Today is one of those days. I headed to the gas station to fill up and get a soda for the trip. It isn’t long before I’m on the highway heading east. I like to drive fast. Not like a race car driver, but on the highway, 80 is a nice round number. I know, some of you are gasping.. but I’m being honest. I do get one speeding ticket a year, always in the fall. I haven’t figured out why. But we’ll leave that for another day, lol.
With the music playing, I just drive. My mind wanders aimlessly as I follow the barren concrete path that rolls on in front of my car. I never run out of road. There’s always more just over the next hill. I hear a song and it triggers a thought or a memory and my mind plays it through, either to its conclusion or until some other thought or song interrupts and then my mind is off in a new direction. Kind of like one of those free roaming vacuum cleaners that goes around your house and when it bumps into something it turns in a new direction. Well, welcome to my mind.
I spend this time daydreaming, playing out options or scenarios in my head. Life never really goes in these directions, but it helps me release the tension in my head, and makes me feel like I’m really going somewhere. That my path hasn’t ended here.
I stopped at a park along the way. The sun had come out and I thought the warmth of the sun might help to melt away the cold spot inside of me. It was a pretty park. I hadn’t been here before, so there was exploring to do. I don’t know what I was hoping to find, but I always go in anticipation. As I walked along the leaf strewn paths, I’d trip every now and then on the roots that were growing across the dirt pathways. Then I realized that it wasn’t the root that was interrupting my walk, it was me who was here interrupting the roots growth. That’s when it came to me.. I needed to change my perspective. I needed to look at things in a new way. I began to feel lighter as I continued along the path.