Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

View From the Kitchen Window

I woke to the sound of a phone ringing.  It wasn’t my phone.  As my eyes began to focus, I could see a recliner, computer desk, large screen television, love seat and coffee table.  When I rolled over, still twisted in my blankets, I could hear Goose talking quietly from his bedroom.  I scurried to the bathroom to check to see what damage I’d endured during the night.  I wasn’t planning on staying over anywhere and I had zero grooming items with me.  I washed my face and tried to smooth my hair.  Not much I could do… so I went out to face the world as is.  Talk about courage.  I don’t think I’ve gone very many days since I was 14, without at least a little bit of make up on.  Spontaneous and adventurous are two words I have in my profile to describe me.  I should have included ‘only people with a hair dryer need apply’.  Who doesn’t have a hair dryer?  Well, apparently middle-aged bachelors with thinning hair dont’ have hair dryers.  Goose looked high and low.  He found tons of Avon products that had been left when his sisters-in-law cleaned out his wifes’ things after she died.  They didn’t take her knickknacks or her Home Interior items.  Goose came back into the bathroom with the bad news and handed me towels so I could shower.  It was then I remembered a small make up bag in my car.. I think I might even have a hair pick.  I felt minimal relief.  We’ll have flat hair, but we’ll also have blusher.

Then the good news, Goose’s phone call was from his 7-year-old grandson, their dad was bringing them over to Goose’s for a while.  They’d be here within the hour.  Goose was excited for me to meet them.  (I felt like Alice falling through the looking-glass.  What was happening here?)  A first date that ends with meeting the family?  I hopped in the shower.  I vaguely looked like me when I returned to the kitchen.  Goose told me to find my way round the kitchen and help myself to anything I needed.  He said he had to go feed his pets and would be back in a little bit.

In the kitchen, I could feel her here.  She had died suddenly of an aneurysm just over a year ago.  It was like nothing had been moved since the day she died.  The kitchen was still as warm and inviting as it had been last night.  I searched for something to drink and found orange juice and poured myself a glass.  As I sipped I looked out the window above the kitchen sink.  A nice yard with trees and a small garden.  Out beyond it were farm fields for as far as I could see.  It was a hazy fall morning, the air was cold and a bit damp.  But still from this kitchen it was beautiful.  It was then, standing there looking out at the fields I realized I’d missed the farm.  The openness, the pets, the warmth of the house.  This was the life I had been married to for 16 years.  It wasn’t the tiny small apartment that came furnished.  There were rooms full of life here.  Oddly, it comforted me to feel these things.  I’d been away from the farm for a few months now.  My ex thought I left because I didn’t like the farm.  It had nothing to do with the farm.  I drank down the last sweet sip of juice as Goose came back inside.  Dressed just as my ex had been dressed in a dark hooded sweatshirt and camel colored Carhart jacket and stocking cap.  Goose hugged me and I could feel the cold still on his clothes.  I held him tight, oh so tight.


4 thoughts on “View From the Kitchen Window

  1. I love the way you write and this story is so poignant because it actually happened. I am there with you in that farmhouse kitchen and others may say you were possibly foolhardy to go back to his home on a first date, but I do not. I understand exactly why you did what you did and I would have done the same. Do you think that sometimes we do things to give us clarity on past actions? I do and with that comes peace of mind. I can’t wait for the next installment – thank you x

    1. Hi Jane,
      I’m so glad you enjoy this path I’ve been on. This whole blog, beginning in mid-October is all about my ongoing experience in finding myself. Every relationship that comes into our lives comes to teach us life lessons. I’m sharing the relationships and lessons that have come into mine.

  2. This is so nice… and you are so comfortable with each other. I think maybe things are going to be okay after all.

    I remember losing myself in my marriage too and finding that I could be strong and breathe again.

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