Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

The Shopping List

What a frosty white fall morning.  The sun is even cold this morning as it tries to wiggle over the edge of the horizon to begin another work week.  Frost has adhered itself to my windshield as it was looking for a warm place to sleep during the night.  I reach in the back seat for my window scraper. “Ding” the now familiar sound of a text message from Goose.  Always a fresh start to the day, Goose keeps me in giggles evey chance he gets.

Every day now is filled with men.  Emails, chats, texts and phone calls.  I hate to admit this, but sometimes it’s even hard for me to keep up.  The current roster includes Goose of course.  A very nice date and impromptu meet the family event.  Next is Wheels who did plan a nice lunch, but made a poor movie choice for the matinee he planned in his livingroom.  Although it did give me a clear picture of what his mind-set was.   Unfortunately for him, my game plan did not include an afternoon romp on the couch.  New on the scene is The Editor.  He is kind of sporadic on contact, but hilarious none the less.  He seems to be available at certain times, like around 5:00 pm,  11:00 pm and at other odd times over the weekend.  I’d be interested in getting to know him better, but he’s difficult to catch on the dating site.  He doesn’t carry a cell phone, so he usually calls me from work.  Being available is kind of a trick for The Editor.   Michele wonders if he might be married since he is so difficult to have consistent communication with.

Once I read in a book that it’s often the case that we know what we don’t want in a partner, but we’re clueless about what we do want.  The article said to make a checklist, like the way we make a grocery list so that we don’t forget the things we need when we’re at the store.

Shopping List

It never fails that if I don’t make a list, I forget that one thing I went to the store for in the first place.  Honestly, it seems that I’ve done that same thing with partners.  Forgotten that one thing or characteristic that I’d really like to have in a mate.  Then it’s the same when you forget to buy that item on the grocery list.  You try to make due without it, or even worse, to substitute something in its place.

Just think of the characteristics of a potential dating partner:  fun, smart, attractive, employed, spontaneous, adventurous, honest, sincere, affectionate, etc. You know darn well, that when you meet someone, there is no way they can have every characteristic.  Which ones are the most important?  Which ones can you live without?

From the dating experiences I’ve had so far, I’ve learned some things.  I’ve learned that I prefer a man close to my own age.  Two of the men I met were quite a bit older than I am.  Not that their age is  necessarily a deterrent, but it’s more that the common interests and activity levels are what matter.  That and retirement.  The two older gentlemen were both retired. They both have daily freedom.  I have a full-time job and a 9-year-old.  I also have learned that I like consistent communication.   I loved that Hawk made talking with me throughout the day a priority.  It really fostered a sense of connection between us.  And I missed him when I didn’t hear from him.  It makes sense to be with a man who still has children in his life.  I have a 9-year-old.   That means we can either see each other every other weekend OR we can see each other more frequently if we include our children/grandchildren in our activities from time to time.  I’m also finding I love some spontaneous adventure to spice things up and keep things fresh.  A last-minute call to say ‘Hey I have some free time, do you wanna meet for pie at 9:00 this evening?’  OR “Let’s take a road trip and go see something new.’

So which of the men currently in my life offer these things?  All three men are close to my age and they are all very funny.  Wheels is very creative, he’s witty, and open and honest in the way he portrays himself.  The Editor is also very witty and intelligent and well-traveled.  Goose is intelligent, spontaneous, trusting and giving.  He’s also very consistent in communicating with me throughout the day.  And he has children still in his life.

Then there’s that mysterious chemistry thingy.  I took chemistry in high school.  I was excellent in the lab when they gave you an unknown substance.  I was always the first to figure out what was in it.  But as far as learning the equations..  nada.   But I know a spark when I feel one.  Right now, Goose seems to be the man with all of the ingredients I like on his grocery list.   What a lucky Goose he is.

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8 thoughts on “The Shopping List

  1. Morning Barb, a lovely post and I empathise with the consistent communication building trust. It is very important isn’t it in those early stages? If you are used to hearing from someone every day and then suddenly it stops, it breaks the flow and insecurities and doubts start to creep in. That’s when it stops being fun!

  2. I suspect the Editor is married, or at least involved… You haven’t mentioned Wheels for a while and I thought he had given up the chase. Goose does sound right, but may be too good to be true – perhaps a practised conman? Time will tell.

  3. Hi Jeannie, right name at last! I feel comfortable with Goose as he sounds genuine without to much undealt with emotional baggage (we shall see) and yes I have to agree that The Editor sounds attached! I am loving your blog and thank you for sharing, having walked the internet dating route and come right away from it, you are helping me settle a little past dust with your story…x

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