Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

To Answer the Questions

When I began online dating, it was a spontaneous decision I made late one night after seeing an ad on television.  I made a profile and the journey began.  It wasn’t until after I began telling friends about my experiences that I was encouraged to write about it.  The people I was telling had been curious about how online dating worked, what kind of people you’d find and IF you could even really find someone online to date.

Well, I’m here to tell you.. emphatically YES!   But you have to be careful, you have to be smart, and you should have some idea what you want from this experience.

When I began… I had no idea, as I’m sure you can tell from my earliest blog posts.  I began this journey just over a year ago… and the stories I’m sharing with you now.. are my perspective of the actual experiences that I had last year at this time.  I’m sure the men I met and the few I’ve dated, would have their own perspective.. which they are free to share if they want to do a blog too. 

I’m trying to be as accurate as my memory will allow.  I’m telling you my experiences and about the lessons that I’ve learned along the way.  I don’t expect anyone to do as I’ve done.  I don’t expect that anyone else would make the choices that I chose to make. 

I’ve found that people do the things that they do in order to learn the lessons that they need to learn.  I’ve learned quite a few things so far.. but I’m learning even more as I revisit these experiences along with you.  I’m finding that some of the men that I chose to date have similarities to people from my past, such as my ex husband.  Or their lifestyle is very similar to the lifestyle I had just left in my marriage.   At a time when my whole world changed… my living arrangements, my belongings, even my job site changed the same week I left my marriage.  With so much change.. I found comfort in some of those similarities. 

I had wanted to leave the sadness of my marriage.  I wanted to leave the emotional pain and emptiness from my marriage.  And the only way I knew to do that was to ultimately leave the marriage.  After 4 years of counseling, marriage workshops and numerous tries… I had to let go in order to save my emotional wellbeing. 

But there were good parts too in my marriage that I missed.  The comfort of familiar things.  I had my whole adulthood of belongings there at the farm.  Other than my clothes and a  few personal things like my journals and books.. I left it all behind.  Not because he wouldn’t let me take them.. but because I wasn’t emotionally strong enough at the time to dismantle a home and a family.  I had to go get strong enough to face the next steps.  

So finding comfort in the things that I had missed seemed like an okay thing to do.  Like the warmth of Goose’s kitchen and the view outside his kitchen window, and the busy-ness of his grandsons.  Those simple things helped to heal me.   Spending time with Goose on his acreage, cooking meals for a his grandsons, petting his dogs… those were the things I was missing so much.  God brought into my life some of what I needed. 

From his dating profile, I had no way of knowing that Goose’s name was the same as my ex.. or that his wife had worked the same job I had at the hospital, or that he lived on an acreage, or had grandsons or a house the same style as the one I’d left behind.  When I clicked on his profile.. he had no picture.  I just had ‘a feeling’ that he was the one I was to date.  I’d certainly met other men… Lucky was kind and caring and wanted a relationship with me very much… but it wasn’t right for me.  Winkin and Blinkin and Nod… well.. what can I say there?  And Wheels.. well he certainly lived closer than Goose.   But Goose.. there was something for both he and I that just fit together.  His needs and my needs.. we both needed healing and comfort at that time.  And we found each other. 

The other part that Tammy thought I should talk about is how writing the blog is affecting me.  Some parts have been exciting.  Writing that first post and having people I didn’t know actually read what I wrote.  That was amazing!  Thank you!  And when you came back the next day and the next..  well… I can’t tell you how much it means to me.  To know that my experiences, the things I’ve done, matter enough that anyone would want to read them. 

But parts of writing these posts has been very difficult.  Going back to look at things again, remembering all of the meetings, and the losses too.  I’m seeing more lessons.  And maybe that’s the whole point of this blog…. so that I can learn the things I missed along the way. 

One odd thing that I want to share with you all is that, a few of the significant people I’ve met.. have contacted me during the time that I’ve been writing about their story on here.  I’ll get an email or a text or a call from them.  And some of the men that I’ve met are reading this blog right along with you.  They’re wondering too, what I”ll be writing next.  So you see, I have to write my truth, with dignity and grace.

Hugs to you all for your support and encouragement!    ~ Jeannie

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10 thoughts on “To Answer the Questions

  1. Jeannie thank you so much for sharing this and I echo Tammy’s thoughts, it is a brave thing you are doing to write in this way. You have helped me more than you realise; I have been able to settle the dust on my internet dating experiences and make sense of the ‘path crossings’ that came my way. I look forward to your posts every day, much like I would look forward to seeing a good friend over coffee. It has been a pleasure to ‘meet’ you and thank you. x

  2. Besides baring your soul Jeannie, you’re a gifted writer, thanks for sharing.

    About Goose, that thing between you, missing with the others … chemistry.

    Blessings – Maxi

    1. Maxi I can’t tel you how much it means to me to hear that you appreciate my writing.
      Ahhh chemistry, it can be very difficult to find, and once you do.. even more difficult to let go of. Goose is an amazing man and I’ve been blessed to have him in my life.

  3. ” WOW ” i remember you sharing a bit of this with me last year, Goose anyway, the struggles with the kids and holidays. your strength and denacity will always amaze me!!! i sure miss your group sessions, but look, when i called the crisis line a few weeks ago , who answered the phone, YOU, oh yea, God does put people in our lives when we need them, and i am *** SO VERY GRATEFUL *** He put you in mine, luv ya, maralyn

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