The farther I drove, the easier I could breathe. As I turned onto the main highway, I began feeling myself return. I thought about my day planner and the things on my schedule for today. Going to work at 4:00 this afternoon. Stopping by the grocery store for a few items. Picking up my mail. Routine. It’s similar to a holiday or other event, when we move things out of their usual place to make room for the special things like a Christmas Tree. Spending three days with Goose every other weekend was like a special event that had occurred. And now driving home was like putting things back in their place. No matter how lovely the special event is.. it still feels good to put things in order once again. As I neared my exit off the highway, I was about back to my old self. Feeling balanced, strong and capable. Not at all how I was feeling when I left Goose’s. I unpacked my things and put the groceries away. I made myself some lunch and washed up the dishes. More routine.
When Michele called I told her that I asked the questions. She was glad that I did. If we’d been in person I’d have gotten a high-five slap. When she asked how I responded to Goose, she wasn’t as pleased. I know my friends love me and they are so supportive and caring. I appreciate all of their advice and input. They know me. Which means they know my strengths and weaknesses. They know my big heart and my impulsive tendencies. They love me anyway.
But they are not so forgiving of any of the men I’ve met. They are of the ‘nip it in the bud; plenty of fish in the sea’ mentality. Well there are tons of guys in the single dating pool… (there are even some married ones in there who want to be single but don’t have the guts to get that way.) You’ve all seen the guys I’ve met so far. You’ve experienced them right along with me. So have Tammy and Michele. (And with friendship privileges, they get a few more details than I write here.) I’ve only agreed to meet the ‘cream of the crop guys’.. ‘the pick of the litter’… aka, the good ones. And we all know how that’s turned out so far.
It honestly takes a lot of energy and time and even some expense to be dating. And to this point, the outcome of those investments has been pretty sparse. Goose.. he has potential. He is a good guy. Not just on a dating profile. He’s someone I can see myself with. It feels like a good fit. (Who am I kidding.. all of you guys and his dogs already know that I’m falling in love with him. But I haven’t shared that yet with Tammy and Michele.) So I’m officially deciding not to decide about him just yet. I have time. I won’t see him for two weeks now. It’ll be Christmas. Maybe.. it’ll be alright.
I dig through my storage closet and find the Christmas decorations. I want my son to be pleasantly surprised when he comes for the weekend. I want to feel the holiday magic. And what better way than through the eyes of my child. I begin to finally feel some of my usual exuberance brewing from within. I turn on the music station and listen to holiday music while I put up garlands and snowmen. I get out the Christmas Cards and begin writing notes and licking envelopes. Life is good even though the envelopes taste icky. Really they should taste like chocolate when you lick ’em. The world would be a much happier place.