Life Issues

All along Goose has shared various personal things with me.  And I share the same with him.  During all of our road trips and driving times we talk about our lives, past and present.  And about hopes and dreams for the future.  We share a common dream to live one day on a lake some place.  We shared about our past marriages.  Both the good things, the mundane things and some of the hard things too.  He shared about the day of his wife’s death.  And about the birth of their first son.  I shared about my abusive childhood and he shared about being raised by relatives.  Kindred spirits in many ways.  We both have giving hearts.

I shared with Goose about being born with a hole in my heart and the surgery I had when I was 7 to correct it.  The surgery was an experiment back then.  I was the second person to have it done.  There was a 30% chance that I’d survive the surgery.  And no chance of survival if I didn’t.  That’s when Goose shared about his own heart attack at age 40 and how 30% of his heart is functioning now.  He shared about his diabetes and how he’s worked to stay healthy for the past ten years.  He shared about how he can’t ever get married again because his health insurance is provided only because his wife worked for a hospital.  If he re-marries, he would lose the insurance.

All of our sharing increases the bond between us.  It creates an understanding.  During his phone call this morning he shared that he has to have a medical test done on Friday and needs someone to drive him home afterwards.  He said he thinks his son will be able to take him.  I asked him if he would let me go with him.  He agreed.   He discussed the special diet he had to be on for the two days prior to the test.  And the rather unpleasant medications he had to drink the night before.  I told him I’d make arrangements at work so I can be available.  It feels good to know he’s comfortable enough to let me be there for him.

I worry about him.  About the very long hours he works.  The distances he has to drive.  And about how much of his time he really spends alone.  I understand why he is so generous with his sons and grandchildren.  He wants to live every moment with them that he can.  Making memories with them.  Suddenly losing his wife and the condition of his own health have taught him just how precious and precarious life actually is.   I feel anxious sometimes.  I want to be with him more.  I want to share everything that I can with him.  I want him to be happy and loved.  Then I realized that he IS happy and loved.  He already has so many people in his life loving him.  I know this family would do anything.. does do anything for each other.  I long to be a part of something like this.  To have people loving me and there for me, the way they are for each other.

There must still be something missing in Goose’s life though.  He came looking for someone and found me.  He already has family and a million friends.  He lives in the area he’s spent his whole life in.  Everyone knows him.  He already had the Minneapolis girl too before he came looking for me.  Yet.. he spent Christmas and New Years including me with his family celebrations.  It makes me smile.  Maybe I’m what’s missing from his life.


10 thoughts on “Life Issues

  1. Goose “had” the minneapolis girl, but did he ever share her with his friends and family??? it sounded like that was all one sided on her part, what she could “get” out of the relationship, sad for him and her,,,
    you know, maybe he is what is missing from your life~~~

  2. It’s the tentative opening up of our hearts, lives and souls to someone else…you simply do not know if you truly fit together unless you start to do this…it’s takes real courage and Jeannie you have that in spades. x

  3. You and Goose have become friends, the first step in a relationship. Hopefully, it will carry your hearts foreward…

    Time will tell.

    May 2012 be kind and joyous for you and your son, Jeannie.


    • Hey Jeannie it’s tough sometimes isn’t it to remember that all is exactly as it’s meant to be right now…sometimes I have to remind myself often that this is true…it must bring all these old memories back writing about them like this, however things are sitting right now, you are one strong lady x

  4. Writing about these things now does take me right back to the day that they occurred. I remember the emotions I had at the time.. and that’s what I write about.

    Thank you for thinking I’m strong.. all I’m sure of, is that the learning is hard.

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