Maybe He’s What’s Missing From My Life

A good point!  I’ve found out during the course of the ending of my marriage, the things that I don’t want in my life.  I don’t want to be invisible.  I don’t want to be disregarded.  I don’t want to be last on the ‘to do’ list.

I realized that even though I had a husband who came home every night, a husband who worked hard, never got drunk even once in 18 years.  There were things that were missing.  I wanted a best friend in my partner… the butterflies in my stomach and soul mate kind of connection.  Too Disney.. well, I wanted it anyway.  My ex husband did have moments where he was able to do those things. So I knew it was possible.  He could be very romantic.  Once while we were doing foster care, there was an evening I was totally worn out.  But we had managed to get a whole night to ourselves.  A rare event! I didn’t want to waste it.  As I was waiting for my ex to get home, I had been picking up toys and things from where the kids had been playing earlier. I picked up color crayons and a color book.. so I sat down and began coloring a picture in the book.  As my ex came in the room, without saying a word… he sat down next to me, picked up a crayon and started to color the page opposite mine.  Out of utter exhaustion, we ended up eating leftovers from the fridge for dinner and turned in early.  I got ready and snuggled into bed before he came in.  When he crawled in bed, I asked him to read to me… he reached over to the night stand for a book.  But there wasn’t one there, so he recited from memory.. “Cordoroy Bear had two buttons…”  He had memorized the story that he had read over and over to one little foster girl in our care.  He recited the story to me.. and I was sound asleep before he ever got to the end.

Why couldn’t those moments happen more often?  Why couldn’t he have made those moments a priority?  Those were the moments that kept my heart open to his.  So, yes.. there was something missing from my life.  Maybe Goose has that something.


11 thoughts on “Maybe He’s What’s Missing From My Life

  1. Ha, Jeannie, ‘Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars’, didn’t you know. Women like to kiss and cuddle both with and without sex to follow. Men (usually) like the wham, bam, thank you ma’am kind of sex. And most women will agree – unfortunately. Oh, yes, men can be romantic too, but not as often as we women would like. And it is possible to have a wonderful sexual relationship with a man and miss the togetherness that was there orginally.

  2. Men and women are wired differently. And that’s what makes relationships so interesting. We’re all looking for different things in our most intimate relationships. Some women want financial security, status, or a career boost. Other women want a guy who will never leave, no matter what. Others, like me, want the deep emotional connection.

    No one is perfect. I’m certainly not. I’m human and just as flawed as everyone else. There are some things I can overlook, and some things that wouldn’t bother me. And even other things that I don’t need at all in a relationship.

    It’s that mysterious chemistry. The illogical match that for some reason, just fits.

    I’ve fallen in love with my heart on my sleeve. It set me up for failure. I overlooked serious things that affected me in very negative ways.
    I’ve fallen in love because a guy appeared in my life when the wind was blowing from the east. Funny… that didn’t last either.

    In Michael Buble’s song, “I Haven’t Met You Yet” the lyrics read…
    “I’m not surprised not everything lasts. I’ve broken my heart so many times I’ve stopped keepin track.” And, “I might have to wait. I’ll never give up. I guess it’s half time and the other half’s luck.” ” And I know someday that it’ll all work out.” “I just haven’t met you yet.”

    I’m learning. I’m in the process. Like the pendulum that swings from one extreme to the other, it finally settles somewhere in the middle. Michael Buble’s song and me… we’re both hopeful.

  3. Dear Jeannie, I read this post a few times and it strikes such a chord in me – I got tears in my eyes. Like you a deep emotional attachment works for me. Also, like you, in my marriage I was way down the priority list…way down…appreciated for my hard work etc… but not seen for me…that’s why we got lost in our marriages isn’t it? I swung (quite wildly) when I first started dating from men just like my ex. (who needed rescuing) to total opposites…may both our pendulums settle in the middle. Do you suppose that because we weren’t rescued in our childhoods we turn to rescuing others in adult life? Something I choose not to do anymore now. Love to you x

  4. Jane,
    You’re very right about not being rescued as a child.. causing us to reach out to others. I’ve found a healthy outlet for that in my work. There are rare extremes where another person needs to be rescued. Most of the time, they just need someone to point the direction. Then it’s up to them if they go or not.

    I’ve had to walk away from many, many relationship opportunities in my personal life because I either became their ‘teacher’ or ‘counselor’. In other words, they had issues that needed their focus and healing before I could be in a romantic relationship with them. So I have to hold back or completely step away. I’ve learned to use my head and take stock in a situation before I’ll put my heart into it.

    I’m waiting to give my heart to a man that doesn’t need a rescuer, teacher or counselor. In the meantime, I blog about my journey.
    Love and hugs to you!

    • And I love your blog…you will laugh when you see my posts from tomorrow … I now channel my ‘rescuing’ into my coaching, not to tell folk what to do but to give them options or different perspectives. You wouldn’t believe the number of people I have advised to try different channels from internet dating, like to join groups and to do things that interest them – out in the fresh air and real world. I have walked away from quite a few men that latched on!! Now my head plays a much more active role in my romantic decision making and like you I am waiting to give my heart in a balanced set-up and discovering the art of saying ‘no’ is quite easily mastered…fab times, much humour needed and hope being held and look at the friendships that are coming from it…it’s great to have found you and to have a fellow sailor on these uncharted waters…which can get distinctly choppy sometimes – hugs and love back to you xx

  5. Oh Jeannie, your words in this post could probably be echoed by sooo many women. We need romance in our lives and men … well, they love us but are happy enough with sex.

    Blessings – Maxi

  6. It’s quite elementary actually. 1+1=2
    If men want mad passionate sex.. they can have it. It comes right after the romance. A smart man will have that knowledge… and choose to use it wisely.
    A smart woman will respond to the romance with mad passionate sex that will ultimately provide her with even more romance.

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