I arrived at Goose’s house the evening before his test. A colonoscopy. I had my dinner on the way because he’s not allowed to eat anything tonight and he’s been on a clear liquid diet for the past couple of days. I didn’t want to tempt him with having to smell something cooking that he can’t eat.
“I’m soo hungry”
Were the first words he uttered as he came in the door. Not the usual, hug and ‘I’ve missed you.’ I forgave him this oversight since he’s dilerious with hunger. I asked about the concoction he had to drink and when he was to begin. He pointed to a gallon sized jug on the counter. It had a mysterious powder inside of it. I read the directions and realized we were already an hour or so behind the recommended start time. I read him the options for flavoring the mixture to make it palatable. I looked through the pantry only to discover that he didn’t have any of those choices on hand. Since he lives in the country, making a quick run to the corner store was not an option. I added water and shook the contents like crazy.
I chose a nice glass from the cupboard and poured his first dose. He had busied himself at his computer, checking the day’s emails. I handed him the glass. Told him, “I love you. Drink this.” Unfortunately, he smelled it first. BIG mistake. BIG. He scowled.. and I smiled. Then I gave him my sexy eyes look.. and said again, ‘drink.” He did.
Every 15 minutes Goose had to down another glass of this putrid beverage. I sat down next to him with my laptop and would excuse myself every 15 minutes to pour him another glass. Usually he looked at me in disbelief that it had already been 15 minutes. Once he even checked the time. Lol.. poor guy. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before this preparation would begin its job of clearing his colon. Yup.. he’d be spending some time on the porcelain throne. This was the part that disturbed him the most. That I would be there and know what was happening.
You know early in a dating relationship when normal body functions are still embarrassing? When you’ll do everything in your power not to dribble food down your blouse, or have something stuck in your teeth. When you’re still a little nervous and you burp or heaven forbid.. pass gas. The normal human being passes gas 15 times a day.. so why should it be embarrassing? Cause it just is. So I felt bad for Goose (and grateful that it wasn’t me) when the medication began working.
He got this funny panicked looked on his face. His eyes doubled in size like a deer in the headlights. Then he turned and stared at me. He tried pulling himself out of his recliner. He must have been trying to hold his stomach muscles in as he pulled himself forward. Then.. well you all know, the poor guy passed gas. He began to turn red in the face.. I’m not sure if it was embarrassment for the gas or the build up in his tummy. He didn’t look at me, his eyes were focused on the bathroom. But as he passed by me he said, “I’m sorry.”Seriously, there was no need to apologize, because during the next couple of hours, this would be the least of his embarrassments.
I didn’t think I was a stickler about rules and directions. Most of the time when I buy something new, I never look at the directions. And somehow I always manage to get it working. But tonight, I seemed to have this internal alarm system that went off every 15 minutes. It didn’t go ding-ding. It went, “It’s time for more.” And I’d make my way to the kitchen and refill his special glass with another 8 ounces. I took the next dose to the bathroom. He’d left the door cracked open, and in the most gentle sweet voice I could muster..
I said, ” it’s time for more.
He was embarrassed.. and I reassured him that there was nothing to feel awkward about.
“I offered to be here for you.. I knew what this involves so there’s nothing to be worried about okay?” I reassured him as I handed him the glass.
Goose was pretty focused with his body’s reaction to the medication.. but he gulped it down and handed back the empty glass. He’s a real trooper. His only question, “How much more is there?
Once he finished drinking I knew he’d have at least another hour of bathroom time. We got ready for bed and turned on a movie just to have a distraction. Every now and then Goose would rouse himself and return a few minutes later. It was after 11:00 when he made his last trip from the bed.
Morning came quickly. I felt like I was a secret food eater.. as I snuck a peanut butter sandwich in my mouth while he showered. I washed it down with coffee.. which Goose doesn’t like. So I felt like I camouflaged it pretty well. We arrived at Mayo Clinic and got him registered and were directed to a waiting area. It wasn’t long before a nurse came to get him. She asked who his emergency contact person was… and he gave my name and number. ( I know, it’s not really that big a deal.. but it was to me.)
It was only 90 minutes later when he came walking out of the double doors he entered earlier. He said he was starving and wanted Perkins. Even with the anesthesia he had, he still knew the directions to Perkins. He ordered the Tremendous Twelve, just as he had on our meet & greet. He’s a pretty slim guy, I don’t know where he puts it.
Once his tummy was full, he turned his cell phone back on. He looked over the messages. Then he looked up at me. By the ‘uh-oh’ expression on his face, I could tell there was something amiss.