Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

Significant Developments

I was headed for a tough lesson to learn.  I didn’t listen to my better judgement.  Instead, I listened to my poor little heart when Goose called and asked me to come for the weekend.  No matter how wonderfully an invitation is disguised, when it’s not good for you.. it’s just not good for you.

I packed my bags and headed to Goose’s after work on Friday afternoon.  He came after work and we went to the AA meeting.  It was there that I saw Goose grow.  Like on the cartoon, ‘The Grinch Who Stole Christmas’..  you could see the Grinch’s heart grow.. tonight, I saw Goose grow.  First of all there was a lady at the meeting who shared about her marriage being over due to her husband’s continued drinking.  He chose the alcohol and left her and their children.  That’s when she was diagnosed with cancer.  And she wanted him back.  She couldn’t manage facing the loss of her husband and cancer at the same time.  Her husband had left months ago.  Goose whispered for me to notice her wedding ring.  I did see it still on her hand.  But I didn’t yet realize the significance of what he wanted me to notice.  That’s when he surprised me.  The meeting facilitator asked if anyone had reached a sobriety milestone, and to come forward.  Goose stood up and walked up front near the podium.  He told the facilitator that he was 1 year sober.  The whole gathering applauded him.  But it got even more significant from there.  Goose stepped up to the podium to speak.  I was shocked.  He has never spoken at a meeting in the year that he’s been going there.  Not one word.   Tonight, he had something to say.  I felt honored to be there when he did.

Goose shared about his journey and the sudden impacting changes that had affected his life.  His wife dying and the following months when he was attempting to cope the only way that he knew how.  By using alcohol.  He thanked everyone for being there for him and for all that he’d learned.  He held up his chip with pride.  I felt so proud of him.  I knew it was no small thing he’d just done.  When he sat down next to me, he took my hand.. his was cold and shaky.  I smiled at him and gave his hand a squeeze.  I told him how grateful I was that he’d included me on this night at AA.

It was while we were driving to the movie after AA that I found out the significance of the woman’s wedding ring.  As he drove, Goose asked, “why do you suppose she’s still wearing her wedding ring? He left months ago.” 

“She just isn’t ready to let go of her marriage yet.  And the ring is a symbol of her marriage to her.  She’ll take it off when she’s ready.”

On Saturday morning I woke up earlier than usual.  I rose quietly and went to the kitchen to make coffee.  When I returned, Goose was laying there awake and very quiet.  I walked over next to the bed and leaned down to give him a kiss.

Remember the lady with the ring last night?  The whole time I was married, I never went in my wife’s purse.  Never.   This past week, I cleaned out the dresser.  You might as well use it for your things when you’re here.  I cleaned out everything except that one top drawer.  That’s where her sisters put the contents of her purse after she died.  I’ve never opened the drawer.”

I gave Goose the same response that I’d given him last night at the AA meeting.

“You will when you’re ready.”

I knew that being vulnerable was something new to Goose.  Last night’s speech at AA and now this disclosure about his wife’s purse.  He’d made the connection between the lady at the meeting and his own actions.  He made the connection.

I asked him if he was worried about what he’d find?   His non-answer spoke volumes.

I suggested, “Maybe you should ask your sons to go through it with you.”

That would only make it worse.”

“If you just want someone to be here in the house with you while you go through it, I’ll just stay in the other room and if you need me, I’d be here.”

He looked over at the drawer and then at me.  He wasn’t ready yet to sort through this last remaining thing.  He wasn’t ready to let her go.

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5 thoughts on “Significant Developments

  1. Oh Jeannie if it makes you feel any better I would have accepted the invitation too…when you love someone that’s what you do and there will be a good reason nestled in there somewhere…big hugs xx

  2. Hope I’m not out of line, Jeannie but…

    You are dependable and Goose know this, all he has to do is pick up the phone. He needed someone and for sure it wasn’t going to be the Minneapolis girl. Still…

    Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same. Buuut…

    Empty drawers for your clothes? With no discussion aaand…

    Most of all, no committment?

    Sounds to me you are still being taken for granted. Big red flag.

    Blessings – Maxi

    1. You’re not out of line in the least. Wish I would have known you last year when this happened.

      It seems everyone has their own agenda to get their needs met. Even when they don’t know yet what those needs are. I had needs that Goose was meeting on some level. And he had needs I was meeting. Both Goose and I were on the same path at the time.. we just didn’t want to see yet that this path was hurtful for both of us.

      Now looking back, I can see that Goose wanted someone to fill his wife’s vacated space. But also the freedom to do as he pleased, thus no conversation, no commitment or even fulfilling the disconnect with the Minneapolis Girl.
      And me, I was missing my former life. I wanted to belong somewhere.
      We both had an agenda or scenario playing in our heads. That scenario/agenda was based from a place of fear of the unknown and unmet needs on both our parts.

      We both saw and felt red flags waving, whistles blowing and lights flashing as they were warning us of an impending disaster. Yet our neediness was bigger than the warnings.

      Thank you for all of your comments and thank you even more for caring.
      ~Jeannie

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