Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

When One Door Closes

It was dark the next evening when the hurt began.  I knew it was in there hiding back stage somewhere, just waiting for its curtain call.  And it came out, right on cue.  Predictable.  I was prepared.  Tissues on hand.  No need to even call one of the girls.  No need.  I recognized the coming days ahead.  How they would be filled.  Or rather, how they would be empty.  I dabbed a leaking tear.  That’s when I decided.  Enough of this.  Not gonna do it.  Just not gonna.  I threw the tissue in the canister next to my desk.  I took a sniveling deep breath.  (Sniveling, seriously? Oh if that doesn’t make me mad.)  One last try of emotion from the stage.   There are Plenty Of Fish in the sea; Lots of Singles on the Net; Ok Cupid; Match me; Speed Date anyone?  How bout all of the above!  Sure why not?  Diversion is good.

That’s where I began to change my focus away from where it had been.  Nothing like keeping busy.  Filling time.  And I wasn’t crying.  I call it progress as I climbed back up on the horse that threw me.  Profile after profile I got  done.  It never takes long for results.  Within a few minutes,  just the time it took to get a soda, I had viewers.  Several of them.  And with the wave of the director’s hand, I have an incoming message.  It was from a man I’d seen pictured on here before.  A farmer kneeling down beside a calf.  A little red calf with a white face.  The calf is cute, the Farmer is wearing a hat.  He wrote, I wrote.  Back and forth for nearly an hour.  He’s my age, lives 3+ hours away, his long time girlfriend, a nurse,  died of cancer.  He regrets not marrying her.  She wanted to, but he wasn’t ready.  He’d bought a ring and then never gave it to her.  He says he wants a wife and a family, that he’s ready.  (Frankly, this is feeling uncomfortably familiar to Goose’s situation.)  

On Speeddate, a potential ‘date’ pops up on your screen for five-minute mini-dates.  It’s basically a chat session.  You can see his profile and he can see yours.  First is a man who lives about 45 miles from me.  The closest one yet.  He is an EMT/Firefighter in his community, he loves to hunt and is quite proud of his archery skills.  I’ll call him Archer.   Archer has been divorced for about ten years.  He’s lived in this very small town his whole life.  He loves the outdoors and movies.  Hmmm… not bad.  He catches my attention.  We quickly click on ‘like’ to be able to connect again at some point.   Then the next speed date appears.. and then another and finally a third.  Holy crap!  I’m a talker, but even I have some trouble keeping three simultaneous conversations going that make sense.   I have to admit though, for a couple of hours, I didn’t cry.  For a couple of hours I didn’t think about Goose or what his schedule dictated that he’d be doing at this time on this night.  I’ll call it progress. 

The Editor was online so we ended out the evening with a light-hearted bantering about fairies, elves and munchkins.  He’s really getting mileage out of the short stature thing.  He was scheduled up for the next couple of weekends though.  A tennis date with his son, visiting his daughter’s in Des Moines and a wedding of a friend.  Guess I’m not quite ‘meet the family’ material in his eyes.  C’est la vie!

Tammy called as I was shutting my computer off for the night.  She’s good about checking on me.  I appreciate that.  I told her about sniveling and about The Farmer, Archer ane three speed dates.  It seems like a full evening to me.  She was watching television.  For some reason tv just doesn’t hold my attention.  I guess I need interaction.  Tomorrow is back to work and my life routine.  I’ll be just fine.  It will take a little time for the emotional side of things to resolve.  Life moves forward.  And I’m going with it.


8 thoughts on “When One Door Closes

    1. Welcome Christy!
      Glad that you found your way here… and hope you like what you find. I just began this blog in October… and it’s about my journey as a midlife single woman. Each post is built upon the one before it. So if something seems confusing reading back might clarify it. Or, feel free to ask questions.
      Glad to meet you.

  1. Moving forward allows us to keep living. If we stop and stand still or even go backwards we’ve stopped living our lives to the fullest.
    Life is full of wonderful things if only we take the risk to reach out.
    There will be times that we trip and fall. There will be times of sadness or grief. But we have those times even if we stand still.

    If I stand still and let life come to me.. it doesn’t. When I stand still, life keeps moving on without me. I’m actively participating in my own life.

    “Risk more than others this is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.”
    ~Cadet Maxim

  2. Oh Jeannie, good on you and I laughed out loud at you trying to keep up with three online chats…distraction is good and I can empathise with TV not being the right kind…your ‘Risk’ piece is bang on the button…life is for living…love to you xxx

    1. I’m a queen at multi-tasking, but it was difficult to make any kind of connection when you’re just trying to keep straight who said what.

      Hope your day has been a little calmer as it’s progressed.

  3. Oooh no, I don’t think Goose is going away that easily. There is chemistry there; he was too much in charge of the relationship to say, “Okay, whatever you want.”

    Your refusal to stay connected will sink in eventually, but it’s too soon.

    I think you will hear from Goose again.

    Blessings – Maxi

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