Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

Captain May I?

As a child I learned a game in school.  It was a simple game created to teach listening skills.  To be able to discern various parts of conversation. And to think and act independently from your neighbors or friends.  But it was fun too.  The leader or “captain’ of the game would request everyone to stand spread out in a long line.  Then the captain would make requests.. using the phrase, “Captain says move ahead three steps.”  So everyone proceeds following the directions of the captain.  After several requests of “Captain says jump on one foot; Captain says skip three times, Captain says turn around..  the captain would just give a request.. ‘take three steps back’.  Not using the ‘Captain Says’.. phrase.  Each person who followed this particular request were considered ‘out’ of the game.  They followed, but not the directions of the captain.   Instead they followed their neighbors/friends right into being ‘out of the game.’

Now I have to admit, I followed friends and got myself in the ‘out of the game’ position many times.  I would begin doing well, listening for the ‘trick’.  But I’d get all full of myself because I was observant and caught the lack of a ‘captain says’.  So that the next time it happened I’d miss it completely!  It’s hard not to follow your friends/neighbors.  It’s difficult not to do as they do or say.  Sometimes in life it’s important to not do as others do.  Sometimes our very life may depend on it.  Most times though it just makes our life better if we follow our own calling in spite of what others may deem is better for us.

Michele worries about me sometimes.  I know it’s because she loves me that she worries.  She tells me that I should spend time on my own for a while.  Letting life settle in.  Allowing myself to heal from my marriage.  To spend time regrouping and figuring out what comes next.  That I shouldn’t be spending so much time ‘out there’ looking for dating partners.  That when the time is right, the right person will just come into my life.  Running into them or meeting them during the usual course of my life.  I have to admit there is some wisdom in her recommendation.  I read somewhere that it takes 5 years to fully heal from a divorce.  I suppose that includes every aspect of a divorce.. physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually.. you get the idea.  I think the ideal would be to have divorce treatment centers.  Each center would have support and therapy groups to be attended daily.  Lawyers and therapists on hand 24/7.  Rooms available for visitation of your children.

Most of us though don’t have 5 years to attend a divorce support center for recovery.   Instead, we keep living life.  And people most certainly appear just as we need them to in order to learn what ever it is that comes next for us.  As I muddle through these potential relationships I’m learning about myself.  I’m learning about going back to what I knew, about standing still and not doing anything, and about the possibility of moving forward.  Heavens, I thought I was moving forward with Goose.  But I eventually learned that I was circling back to what was.  I wasn’t exactly rushing directly back into what was and I wasn’t standing still or perched on a fence.  I was learning all along.  Two steps forward, one step back.

Now I have other options for learning some more.  The Farmer and I seem to have formed a pattern of talking online at the end of each day.  After he’s completed his chores, after my son is in bed.  We talk about our day and what it is that we hope to find in our futures.  It isn’t long in our conversations before I realize that this situation is more of what I have already lived.  Apparently, my lesson here to learn is, will every man in this lifestyle (country life) be so focused on their own dreams that they do not have room to add a special person in their life?

It was nearing 11:00 pm when the Editor came online.  We chatted briefly online and he asked to call me.  Happy and cheerful as always, he asked what plans I had for the weekend.  I told him that  have my son with me this coming weekend.  We scheduled a date for Sunday evening.  We’d meet halfway again at ‘The Fainting Goat’.  A sports bar restaurant so we can watch The Super Bowl game together.  I was delighted to be asked out again.  I know we’ll have a great time. “Captains says, go out on a date.”

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12 thoughts on “Captain May I?

  1. We played a similar game when I was young called “Mother, may I?” It reveals that kids want to be liked more than they want to follow the rules.

    I have always been a loner, follow rules if I believe they are just.

    Blessings – Maxi

  2. Take it easy, relax and enjoy what happens in your life, Jeannie. I hope that is good advice. It’s what I am doing at the moment. I think things will work themselves out but we mustn’t be in a hurry (my failing!). Just take things as they come…

    1. At the time, I felt as if I’d been on hold with my life for so many years. I didn’t want to waste one more moment. I was in a hurry to get to things that felt good in my life. A nice afternoon spent with someone. An adventure shared.
      I’ve learned many things since then.
      From the movie Castaway… “You just never know what the tide will bring in.”

  3. Dear Jeannie I have been on the receiving end of well meaning advice and I know it was always meant with love……’Stay on your own Jane for at least six months, don’t internet date’ etc…etc….I honestly believe that we do what is right for us and we learn our ‘tweaks’ in our own good time. You could see the pattern and felt the need to keep dating and I’m with you on that one…our friends may love us but ultimately we do what we know is right for us and we evolve in our own good time…keep trucking my friend and I hope you had a fun date with The Editor..lots of love to you xx

    1. All of us have different life lessons to learn. So our experiences and opportunities will be different. WIndows of opportunity remain open only for a time before they close. It’s up to us to determine which ones to climb through. They will all teach us something.

      Hugs!

  4. Don’t over think your new relationships and sit back and relax. When it is right, have faith that you will meet your next partner. And if that doesn’t happen, be confident enough in yourself and love yourself. You are worth it! Thank-you for sharing,
    christyb

  5. Hi Christy,
    As a counselor, I tend to look under every rock for the information to be found. What I’ve learned though is that information will appear when it’s needed.
    This whole process has been about learning to love myself.. it’s been quite a task at times.

  6. I love the name of the place you are meeting the Editor. How funny! And as long as you are not looking for your self worth in these men, then you wait as long as you think you should after a divorce. A lot of woman feel they need a man (they use the word want because it makes them feel better) but if you really know that you are perfect on your own then go for it! Have fun 🙂

    1. I’m not looking for happily ever after. I’m not looking for someome to take care of me financially. I’m looking for friendship/companionship and if something special develops from there, it’s a bonus.

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