It’s time for updates and reminders. Tammy thinks it’s a good idea to do this every now and then. Just to keep everyone current. So here goes…
My blog is an ongoing story of my online dating experiences. The stories you are reading here each day are actually events that occurred last year at this time. It’s called having creative distance. A writer of non-fiction can more accurately detail events with some emotional distance from the events. The emotional distance I find most effective is Time. As I go back to describe my experiences when I met these men from the dating sites, I try to place myself back into the scene without the emotions that would taint the story.
I do get feedback and input from Tammy and Michele as I go from one experience to another. They will remind me of details that struck them as I was experiencing everything. “It was hilarious when….. or “you have to tell them about… ” They questioned me too, “are you going to write about sex?” (They’ve both been married a long time, but they have better sex lives than I do.)
The Rest of the Story… You probably want to know what else happens that I haven’t shared in the blogs.
I had a lot of free time on my hands when I first became separated. I hadn’t filled that time yet that had been created by not having a big house to clean and care for. I had free time created by not having a child with me full-time anymore. I had free time that needed filling with ‘me’. But I didn’t know who ‘me’ was yet. So I was kind of drifting for a while.
When Hawk determined that he wasn’t ready, after we met that one time at The Little Brown Church.. I felt pretty sad. My heart had been empty for a long time as my marriage was ending. And now here was a kind and caring man. He gave me some of his time and attention. Two things I was so grateful for. But I had to let go. I had a whole Saturday with nothing but time to fill. I got in my car and drove to Hawk’s town. I had no idea where he lived or anything so I wasn’t stalking. I just needed to go there as if to be near him. It was a three-hour drive on a sunny fall afternoon. I cranked up the radio and sang til the sad songs made me cry. As I drove into his town, I saw a small man-made lake sparkling in the sun. I drove to the edge of it and got out of my car. I could feel his presence here and this is where I said my goodbye to Hawk. I was able to move on emotionally after that. I never heard from Hawk again.
Every now and then, even to this present day 2-20-12, I get a phone call from Lucky. We chat and catch up on what’s happened in our lives since the last call. He shared that he had met someone and they dated for a time but it wasn’t quite right. I haven’t shared my various dating experiences with him. His feelings were hurt when I chose to end things between us. I have no desire to hurt them again. But each time he calls, by the end of the conversation, he asks again if I’d consider dating him. I remind him that friendship is all I have to offer. I last heard from him just before Christmas 2011.
Coach and I became friends on yahoo messenger while we were dating. So once in a while he and I would have a catch up chat on messenger. He did call one evening though when he was driving through my area. (In need of a truck stop I believe.) He did stop by and we talked a bit. His divorce was nearing completion and he needed a friend’s support. I have not heard from Coach since that visit.
Winkin, Blinkin and Nod were all very short-lived experiences. I did however receive an email from Nod a few months after the lunch he slept through. His email consisted of asking who I was. Apparently he had added me to his email contact list but couldn’t remember me. I wrote back and said he could delete me. I’ve heard no more.
Wheels just keep turning round and round. For a time I thought that Wheels and I would be friends. He would call and we’d chat sometimes. Last summer (2011) he drove his motorcycle over to my place and we took a drive and had ice cream. Another day he called while visiting relatives in my town and we went for dinner together. All as friends. Then just after Christmas 2011, he emailed and seemed rather upset that I wasn’t interested in dating him. I clarified my position. We have not talked again.
Archer would call every now and again. Just to talk about things in his life. I think he enjoyed the connection he found with me. He just couldn’t manage the emotional aspects of it. It created too much fear for him to be very close to it. He called when his elderly mother had a stroke and when he got hurt on one of his marathon hikes and needed several stitches in his leg. He also called on July 8th 2011. I was with my son at the lake’s edge in the late afternoon. My son loves to fish. When Archer called, it was nice to hear from him as usual. This time was different though. He asked for a favor. He wanted directions in my town. He was meeting a new girl there and wanted to know how to get to her house. (Yup, I was stunned.. again.) I told him it would be best that he get directions directly from her. (The directions I’d have given him would have lead him straight off a cliff.) I reminded him that I had cared for him. And that he is of course free to date whom ever he wishes. I told him that I don’t share my dating with him, and he should be respectful enough not to do that to me. Archer did apologize. I’m not certain what his intention was in calling that day. But it was the last I heard from him.
To my Readers: I want to thank you all for taking time out of your day to stop by here and read my stories. You really have no idea how much encouragement it gives me to keep writing.
I shared a little while ago that I’ve begun a book. I have and I’m enjoying the journey it’s taking me on. My life is changing because of my writing. Each of you has been a contributor in this part of my journey and I thank you.