Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

Research Project

Michele, Tammy and I conferenced the Archer situation.  Unbelievable.  We never did come to any sort of reasonable conclusion as to what turned Archer toward the setting sun.  Much to his disappointment though I did not cry during or after he left.  The girls and I simply discussed other options.  Michele has always taken the stance of “Just be alone.. I’d take two years and just be by myself.”  She’d go on… “I’d want a tv, my laptop and my bed.  That’s all I’d need.”

Tammy on the other hand came to the conference with several new dating sites that had as yet, been untapped.  OKCupid, OurTime, and AshleyMadison.  I hadn’t heard of any of them.  At some point in the conversation about these sites, it came up that I should make a research project out of this online dating stuff.  Tammy began asking some very poignant questions.  Generalities such as what do most of the men really want?  What are the things they all have in common?  What is it that stands out from one profile to another?  Why do you choose one guy and not another?  What eliminates them from the onset?

Being the die-hard that I am.  I created profiles on each of the sites.  It wasn’t long of course before I had peepers checking out my profiles.  And I did a little bit of peeping myself.  OKCupid is a regular dating site.  OurTime is a site for people over 50. And AshleyMadison is set up for people who want to have affairs.  The most shocking part of that is that’s where I found the single guys I’ve enjoyed the most.  For instance..  6’1″ brown hair, blue eyes, cutest darn face you could ever wanna see.  His eyes and smile are exceptional.  And I love the scruffy look he’s got going on with his sweet face.  His profile name.. Teddy Bear.  OMG, I wanted to hug him!  I clicked on his profile.  Wow… I wanna talk with this one.  I, for the first time, became the pursuer.  I clicked the ‘flirt’ button.  And that’s when the surprise happened.  Being a girl.. the site gave me free points to use.  I could contact guys for free.  Without having to pay for the pricey membership.  It was sexism.. but for once it was in my favor.  I used some free points immediately and sent him an email.

I kept my options open though and looked through a few more profiles.  I was amazed at how many married men are on the site.  (I know… it’s the gullible in me.) I didn’t really think guys would be so bold as to  post pictures of themselves and announce I’m married and looking to hook up.  But for the most part, the married ones wanted to find one long-term ‘girlfriend’.  They weren’t looking for a harem or a flavor of the week.  I learned a lot from reading the married guy profiles.   It became intriguing.  I had entered a world I hadn’t even imagined.  I wasn’t looking for a married guy.  I didn’t wanna be anyone’s Other Woman.  But I was certainly curious about the men who were here looking for that.  How did all of this work?  How do they make this work in their lives?  Do they love their wives?  Why don’t they just get divorced and go play if they want to?  Why would they risk so much in having an affair?  I gave some thought to making a questionnaire.  Inquiring minds want to know.  I wanted to know what made these guys reach for these options.  Is it seriously just because they want fantasy sex or is it something more than that?

Teddy Bear viewed my profile two days later.  And he left an email.  But due to some technical glitch, I couldn’t open the email through the site.  How exasperating.  I did however get about a zillion requests from a variety of married men.  Most of which, had very provocative profile names.  (As I understand it, there are many more men on this site than women so they are in a heated competition for any woman who might inadvertently sign up.  Thus the free points if you’re a girl.)    Tammy’s question, ‘What eliminates them from the onset?” Well this is it.. the provocative profile name.  To me it’s a telltale sign that they’re out to prove their sexual prowess.  Their manhood.  And that they need ego strokes.  It means their insecurities are showing.  That’s what takes a man out of the running for me.  Now, Teddy Bear.. he’s more self-assured.  He’s comfortable with himself.  Sees himself as he is and is content with it.  Any interaction won’t be ‘all about him.’  The delete button got quite a work out.  Now if I could only open that email…


9 thoughts on “Research Project

  1. Jeannie for diversions girlfriend this one is a peach and yes I agree the headline/names give a lot away and in these murky waters I know you have your waders on…love you Jane xxxx

    1. Definately have the waders on. I have Tammy and Michele keeping an eye on me from the shore. And I know they’ll warn me or even pull me out if I get into deep water.
      Love you too Jane.

  2. The AshleyMadison site would be a big red flag for me right from the get-go. Sounds like mostly married men who want to put some excitement in their lives.

    As for Archer, I knew someone like him when I was dating. It’s the conquest. Once they feel that you care it’s over … time to move on to the next thrill.

    Blessings – Maxi

    1. All of the ‘singles’ dating sites have married men on them seeking excitement. On AshleyMadison, they’re just being honest about it from the get go. It’s amazing what things I have to share from this chapter.

      There was one afternoon when Archer picked me up.. I think for the afternoon hike we took in my town. He said, ‘I think you care about me’. As if it were a bad thing. I told him that we’d only dated a couple of times and that it takes time for emotions to grow.
      We also had another conversation the week before he said see ya.. he told me that he was getting attached to me. My feelings weren’t as deep as his were. I think he was testing the waters of my involvement. It was this next week that as I began opening my heart.. he was preparing to let me go. Like Goose did, Archer kept contacting me every few weeks ‘just to chat.’
      Maybe he wanted to keep me as a back up plan.. I’ll never know.


  3. This is sooo.. Funny.. I gave up on the Dating websites a long time ago.. Never actually had people find me on there and guys would never respond.. How Frustrating.. I will tell you my co worker has been on them lately and Funny thing here being a women in here 50’s she is being persued by 28-38 yr olds.. and she is not a Cougar.. So it just is funny to hear some of these crazy sites and the men on them!!! 🙂

  4. I’m 53 and it’s very common for young men to leave me winks and flirt messages. I told one young man that I have shoes older than he is. I use my ‘delete’ button frequently.

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