“A Terrible Idea, Don’t You Just Love Those?”

One of my coworkers (yes Lorie, it was you!) asked me today if I’m getting excited for my upcoming trip.  And yes, of course I’m very excited and looking forward to my adventure.  But because I tend to be open and honest, I had to give her the rest of  it too.

I’m scared silly!  There I said it out loud.  Even though this is a trip I’ve wanted to take for a long time.  And even though I’ve also wanted to go to the Writer’s Conference for years.  There are some parts of making a life change that are very hard.  Even though this is something I want very much, there are things I will lose.  Things that have held great importance for me.  Like my job.  And my house on the lake.

Sure I could have taken two weeks of vacation and flown out for the conference and returned to my house and my job.  BUT.  The goal for me wasn’t to leave writing as a hobby.  Instead, I want to make it a focus.   So I recognize that change means loss.  Loss of one thing and a gain of something else.

I’ve had to stay away from naysayers and worry warts.   Not because they might be 100% right.  But because I might actually begin to believe them and wonder if I am crazy for doing this.   I might be kinda crazy over a lot of things.  But I’m certain about this trip and the conference.

Its more than just a trip to me.  It’s a transitional journey.  The one that takes me from here to .. well, there.    I don’t know where ‘there’ is just yet.  But I will know by the time I’ve driven 5000 miles.  I believe that.  I have faith in myself.  I have faith in the journey.

It’s why people run marathons or take pilgrimages, or sail boats around the world.  Because for each of us we’re reaching for a goal.  A worthy goal.  And even if we don’t win the marathon, or walk the whole pilgrimage or make it all the way around the world in that boat.  We will still have succeeded.  Because we tried.

That’s much better than forever having the regret of  wondering ‘what if?’


8 thoughts on ““A Terrible Idea, Don’t You Just Love Those?”

  1. Well, driving 5000 miles is a daunting prospect. No wonder you are a bit nervous. For us Europeans it is almost unimaginably far, it would take us from the Northern tip of Scandinavia to Gibraltar. But you are right better try and fail than not trying at all. I hope you succeed.
    Loved that film “Under the Tuscan Sun”, very, very romantic. Something that only happens in films like that one, but still one can only dream and hope.

    • I think the trip for me is like a transition. From my old life.. and the trip/adventure is time away from that life. To consider. To seek. To regroup. To imagine. To study. And finally to step forward into the next part of my life.

      Yes, some things only happen in the movies. But some movies are made because someone has lived something similar…. like blogs, books poems, etc.
      I’ll be blogging about my trip.. posting pictures and stories of my transition.. and the people I meet along the way. (One of the workshops at the conference is about writing travelogues.)

      • I certainly am looking forward to read about your trip. I think it is something I should do too, just quit everything for a month and be someone else, someone new. I hope you will enjoy your trip and the workshops.
        The film certainly brought something new into my life: a love for limoncello! 😀

      • I think this trip is something I should have done many years ago. But now is the opportunity to do that. In fact, I made the opportunity. I knew that my life wasn’t working the way I want to live. I’ve been exhausted for so long,. emotionally, physically, spiritually. And its up to me to change that. I began an internal seeking. By paying attention to what brings me happiness.. and I simply decided to work toward more happiness.
        There have been road blocks to that. So I started removing the road blocks. It’s been a very hard thing at times. Ridding my life of the obstacles. Sometimes it even feels ruthless with the things and people I’ve had to step away from.
        Then it began to feel like a quest. This trip is so important to me. It’s risky and fear-filled in an emotional sort of way.
        The trip itself is all interstate travel. Day time driving only. I have the route all planned out, a cell phone and I’ve checked on cell coverage for the entire route. So I’ve taken safety precautions.

        I’m not trying to be someone else. Or to find a different life. I’m trying to discover the other parts of me that haven’t been explored yet. And then to pursue the good parts of what I find, and heal the parts I’m not so pleased with.

        A true-life movie… “The Pursuit of Happyness” is a wonderful inspiration. Its given me faith to believe in myself in spite of life’s obstacles.

  2. Your journey is a “have to,” Jeannie. Should you not do this it will loom over the rest of your life like a dark cloud.

    Whatever happens at least you will know, will have the satisfaction that you did it.

    Onward and upward!

    Hugs and Blessings – Maxi

    • You’re right Maxi.. it is a ‘have to’. I’m running into some resistance from some of the people in my life. I have always given my focus to everyone else. They are not used to me putting the focus on myself. I’m taking 1 month out of my life.. to focus on me. I think its about time.

  3. Amen Jeannie, this is your time and you have the courage and bravery to do this…it is a ‘must’ and I’m there holding your hand as you have been holding mine whilst I step into the unknown xxxx Pants over tights girlfriend and a magnificent swish of that sparkly cape of yours xxxx

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