During October, I’ve struggled with the job I accepted. The interview process was amazing. The staff was a great group of ladies. I felt as if I fit in. But then there was the job itself. I’m a social work type of girl. Show me a feeling and I know exactly what to do with it. I confidently open up my file of experience and I can offer all sorts of remedies to get a person through what ever feeling they’ve got.
But give me a number.. and I shudder. Numbers and I are not friends. We have learned a healthy respect for one another. They stay away from me and I stay away from them. There are those challenging times that we collide though. Like balancing my checkbook or paying bills. And somehow we manage through. But most of the time.. numbers and I, we go our separate ways.
The job I had accepted had a higher than tolerable level of number management for me. You see, to me, numbers don’t flow, they aren’t logical and I can’t seem to grasp their progression.
“Not so” you all say. “Numbers are extremely logical. They follow a set progression. You can count on them to always have the same value. You know exactly where you stand with numbers.”
I beg to differ… but to each his own.
I don’t’ use recipes when I cook. I ‘count’ myself as a pretty good cook. I have learned to add about this much of a particular ingredient to achieve the effect I want. I don’t use a timer because I can tell using my senses of sight and smell to determine when something is done. “I feel it” when the garlic bread is perfectly toasted under the broiler.
I’ve learned to manage my life in a way that numbers and I can function together in a limited sort of way. I’ll do what I have to with regard for numbers, but I don’t want a steady diet of it.
The new job I’d accepted was a huge portion of numbers. Even with all of their patience and training provided, my brain just could not absorb the process. I stuck with it for a month. Completed all of the trainings. Spent many days with other staff working side by side with me. But, it just wasn’t computing.
Ultimately, it caused great stress in my brain. As I neared the end of my first month, I began dreading going to work. And then on the first day I was ‘on my own’, I reached the tipping point. Numbers and I were doing battle and the numbers were overpowering me.
Its important when doing battle to know which ones you should fight. Which ones you need to call in reserves for and which ones to not walk into at all. This was one of those moments when I realized I was already out on the battlefield without my flack jacket or helmet. There was no way to ‘feel’ my way through this. I couldn’t use my senses to adjust the process to make it workable in my brain.
Rather than call it defeat. I chose to accept my limitations with dignity and self-respect. I talked with my supervisor and graciously gave my notice.
A cease-fire was immediately called. I walked off the battlefield in peace.