Maybe you didn’t realize it but during the time of my greatest pain, I walked with Whitney Houston every day. She came with me and sang to me with every step I took. Her words lead me carefully to the painful infected places in my heart. Then she would gently sing words that eased the pain to the surface to finally be released.
The fact that she had lived her life before the cameras, with her own pain, mistakes and choices being watched, reported and judged by millions, didn’t hurt either. That fact, that she was human, just like me. That helped me more than anything. I believe (whether it was true of not) that her music healed her. And now every day when I walk by the lake, a piece of her walks with me.
She taught me to hold my head up high in spite of the judgements I was receiving for the choice I made to fall in love with a man while we were both separated. I agree, it wasn’t the wisest choice I’ve ever made.
Scott and I did discuss whether or not our relationship should proceed. I remember the conversation. Explaining to him that it was a huge risk to invest so much emotionally before his divorce was final. I told him I never wanted to be ‘the other woman’ should something change. I didn’t want to hurt his family, just as he didn’t want to hurt mine. We talked about my impending divorce hearing date. We talked about our marriages in depth and their demises. We talked about what we were each looking for and hoping to find one day. We talked about dreams and goals yet to be achieved. He met my kids and my closest friends. I took him to my favorite places and he took me to his.
I’ve been told that you can’t help what you feel, but that you can choose what you do about it.
I believe that’s true. I shouldn’t have proceeded emotionally. I should have insisted that we take a breath and think logically about next steps. But…
I enjoyed every moment of the time I spent with this man. He was adventurous, spontaneous, romantic, warm and tender. We had so much fun. I’d been missing that for so long. For the first five months we were only actually seeing each other every few weeks. Keeping connected mainly through calls and texts and skype. Sharing the every day mundane activities of life. Kids, work, laundry, what’s for dinner, what’s the recipe..
It was when he came to the lake house that first time, five months after we began seeing each other… that was when we fell in love. Our next date was Chicago. And the course was forever changed.
I’d taken a great risk.. and this time, it didn’t work out as I’d hoped it would. There was a price to pay.
My Whitney Houston Journey of Healing
1. If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful
“You could say that I’m a dreamer
Who’s had a dream come true”
2. Saving All My Love For You
“A few stolen moments is all that we share
You’ve got a family and they need you there”
3. All At Once
“All at once I started counting teardrops
And at least a million fell
And all my dreams were shattered
All at once”
4. Didn’t We Almost Have It All
“Didn’t we have the best of times
When love was young and new
Couldn’t we reach inside
And find the love of me and you”
5. I Have Nothing
“Don’t make me close one more door
I don’t wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms of you dare
Or must I imagine you there”
6. Where Do Broken Hearts Go
“Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms
Of a love that’s waitng there”
7. Greatest Love Of All
“I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone’s shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
I found the Greatest Love Of All
Inside of Me”
I chose the lyrics that impacted me the most deeply from each of the above songs. It is not my intention to violate any copyright laws, its just to share the healing journey that Whitney’s songs lead me through.
Thank you Whitney