Posted in Relationships - Online Dating

07-29-56 ~ Update and Dating Rant

1soapbox

Well, he isn’t 07-29-56. But brunch was nice. We enjoyed some interesting conversation. We have several things in common such as a similar career history. He’s well-educated with a double masters, loves music and travel. We also have differences. Enough to keep learning new things. He’s very laid back and that greatly contrasts my sometimes exuberant personality. We’ll see if that tempers both of us.

I met one other fella recently. He asked to meet one evening after work for a drink. It was a snow storm but we met all the same. Due to the weather, the club was pretty quiet which was nice. It allowed us to be able to talk without having to yell our responses back and forth.

From the frequent ‘Hi’s’ he got from people at the bar, I gathered he frequented this place regularly. We shared the usual life details, ‘where did you grow up, what do you do for a living, hobbies, families’, etc. It felt more like an interview than it did a first date. He’s a business owner, loves to travel, read, has a spontaneous personality, is rather good-looking and very sociable. At the end of the evening, he asked for my number and said “Let’s do this again.” He walked me to my car and offered a hand shake.
I’m not holding my breath or sitting on pins and needles waiting for that phone call.

End Update – Begin Rant

I do have to say that dating has changed. Or maybe people have forgotten how to date. The effort and investment seems to have disappeared from the process. What I mean is.. neither fella has attempted to ‘court’ me. Neither greeted me with a flower, neither called on the day of the date as a way to begin the excitement of meeting them. I take that back.. brunch guy did call to say he was leaving home and would call again as he came into town. (He lives a few miles away). It was more to nail down the time frame than to express any anticipation in seeing me.

The first time we met, brunch guy met me at the door of the restaurant and greeted me with a hug. The second date he was already sitting at the table when I arrived. He almost got up, but then changed his mind.
Club guy never got up from the table. (Except to get another beer from the bar.) He did shake my hand though, which made it feel more like a board meeting than a potential date.

I’m disappointed. I don’t wanna ‘meet you there’. I don’t wanna be texted, sexted or emailed. It’s one hour of your life the first time that you meet me. First impressions count. Even if you think I’m the ugliest woman who ever lived you owe it to both of us to be a gentleman. Even if I know from the get go, that it isn’t a match made in heaven, I’m still polite, friendly and will laugh at your jokes, even if they’re lame.

I want to be courted. I want to see that a fella has made an effort on my behalf. I want to know that he finds me worth it. A flower costs less than a dollar. I don’t care if you get it at the grocery store. It shows an effort. It shows respect. And it will keep me thinking of you every time I see it in the coming days.

I want to be picked up at the door. It gives you the opportunity to learn so much about me, by seeing the way I live. Aren’t you curious to have a glimpse into my life? To see if you might want to be a part of it?

Of course the show of effort and investment works both ways. Am I dressed appropriately for the event? Have I gone to the effort of looking nice just for you? Am I on time? Once we’ve gotten to know each other, I’d love to make you dinner or bake something special just for you.

Dating is an art.
I hope I find an artist.

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8 thoughts on “07-29-56 ~ Update and Dating Rant

  1. You must be so disappointed, Jeannie. A man who won’t even make the effort to knock on your door is no gentleman.

    Dating is an art. I never thought of that.
    Blessings

    1. Maxi,
      I read a book called “Getting Naked, Five steps to finding the love of your life” by Harlan Cohen. By ‘getting naked’ he’s referring to getting real honest with yourself.
      In his book he explains how there are lots of single people in the world. Out of those, thousands would want me and millions won’t. We have to learn to accept rejection as well as success.
      The premise is to put myself out there as much as possible, so that I am accessible. That’s what makes dating intriguing. You never know which date has real potential. Unless you’re willing to try.

      So I’m out here being accessible.. realizing that not everyone I meet is gonna be a match. That’s okay.. cause I’m still meeting people and I enjoy that.

      Hugs,
      Jeannie

  2. Hummmmm. I don’t date, and wont date. Stupid, I know, but it’s me. I have this notion that one day there’s going to be knock at the door, a ring on the phone, or a bump-into at church. I’ll look at her. She’ll look at me. We’ll decide that day, then and there, that we love each other, God destined us to meet, and we’re getting married ASAP.

    Maybe that’s why I’m still single without any prospects. Dunno, but it’s me. I’ll let you know if my method ever works. 🙂

    1. Richard,
      I had that very same notion.. that one day the knock would come at the door, or the bump into at church. That God would destine us to meet and we’d know.
      Well, I still believe that I will meet the right one through God’s plan. But if I never leave my door.. how could that possibly happen? How could he possibly find me? The cable guy maybe… but that would be because I placed an order or needed a repair.
      When I moved here I didn’t know anyone.. so I joined two singles groups. I’ve met some very nice ladies for companionship/friendship. I also joined a writers group. Again I’ve met some very interesting and talented people. Maybe God will use one of these people I’ve met as a messenger of sorts to bring ‘him’ and I together. And at the very least, I’m not alone here.
      Sometimes I wonder if that romantic part of my life is over. I’ve raised my family for the most part. Maybe I’m just supposed to be on my own now.
      I’ll say a prayer in your direction. I hope she comes to you soon.
      Jeannie

  3. As I’ve grown older I find that many guys’ attitude is that they are the answer to all single women’s prayers and that we are quite (ie completely) desperate for them. Haha, how mistaken they are!

    1. I have to agree, there are presumptions about single women. I was more unhappy while in a dying marriage than I am on my own. He thought his words and actions didn’t have an impact… I believe that he found out differently as I was driving away.

  4. Jeannie, I so agree with all that you say about how you will be treated by a man. It is so much more than dating as an art. It is just showing respect to others! Having those high standard just shows the high level of respect you hold for yourself 🙂

  5. My lovely friend, I am with you on this one. It is wearing to sit and listen time after time to what they are looking for. Spin it round I suggest to them…what can you do for others. Sending that thoughtful energy out there is a positive thing to do. Dating as an art is a good way of looking at it. My quest for an artist has ground to halt and I am stepping back. I am still social, but dating holds no interest for me now…I choose to put my energy into other things. So maybe for Richard, you and me…the chance knock at the door awaits…but hey we do have to be circulating out there in a social way to create any energy at all. Even if not for dating for our own balance in life. I feel your pain and am holding your hand every step of the way. Love you xxxx

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