I’ve realized something. I seem to do that a lot from this blogging thing. Realizations that is. I tend to judge myself, my accomplishments, my stumbles, my goals and dreams, according to what I expect. What I believe the result should be. How it should look. The view from my window.
I paint a picture in my mind of how a choice will manifest itself. It becomes an expectation. And often times from there it becomes a disappointment. Then I feel sad because my choice didn’t work out. Ugh.. the paths I take myself down. For goodness sakes.
A few years ago I watched a movie called, “Under The Tuscan Sun”. It had Diane Lane playing the role of a writer who had the shutters of her life opened wide. not by her choosing mind you, but by the choosing of others. She saw things in her life that she had previously not realized. Her life as she knew it crumbled. A pile of smouldering rubble was all that remained. And where do ya go from there?
Well.. in her case, the beginning of a movie. For the rest of us though, we get out a broom and sweep away long enough at the debris until we find the beginning of a new path to follow.
In the movie, her path leads her to Bramasole in Tuscany. My path also lead me to Bramasole… a restaurant in Clovis, New Mexico. I thought how cool that was. That I should find my own Bramasole. I thought it was a sign. That I was on my right path. And that everything would work out in the end. Afterall, everything always gets resolved by the end of a movie.
I scribbled the address for Bramasole on a sticky note and scurried to my car. I could hardly wait to see what answers Bramasole had for me. I had an expectation.
I found the right street… found the correct number. And… what? Bramasole had been there. Right there in front of my eyes. But now.. it’s closed.
Disappointment. Confusion. EXpectation foiled. Again.
I sat there in front of Bramasole looking into the dark windows. Trying to figure out what this meant for me. My mind wandered back to the movie. To the visions that Diane Lane had set for herself as Bramasole. She bought the house to rebuild her life. She said there should be a wedding in this house; she wanted someone to cook for in the expansive kitchen; and she said a family should live here.
Her expectation was that she would have a wedding in this house. That she would have her own special someone to cook for, and that she would have a family in this house.
By the end of the movie, there had been a wedding… but not hers. There was a family … but not one she had given birth to… and there were people to cook for.
Her goals had been achieved. Every one of them. Just not in the ways she had expected.
Sometimes the view from my window isn’t what I expected to see. Things don’t always work out the way I thought they would. What I’ve realized is that, like Diane Lane… it may not be what I expected. But the goals I had set for myself have been achieved.
What does the view from your window look like? Have your goals been achieved? Has it turned out the way you expected?