As most of you know.. I have this issue with impatience. It’s a big issue and one that I can’t seem to make peace with.
I once told a friend that ‘patience’ should be a four letter word.
And his response to me was, “It is.. it’s called “WAIT.”
I’ve been an advocate of ‘moving froward’; ‘taking that next step’; “living each day to the fullest’. You get the idea.
So when things don’t flow, or don’t flow as quickly or as smoothly as I think they ought to. I become perplexed. I begin looking for the obstacles in the path. I figure that if I can identify the obstacle, I will be able to figure out a plan for moving it, removing it or making peace with it and finding a different path toward the same goal. I’ll take the direct route or the scenic route, either way, I still arrive at the desired outcome.
But… life usually has other plans for me. I hate that!
Life says that the apartment I’ve been waiting on for the past three months, that’s just sitting there empty, that’s in the perfect location, and has a floor plan I love….. just isn’t ready for me yet. Why? I don’t know. I just know that they haven’t given me a move-in date. And it’s driving me nuts!
I want to be settled. I want to get on with this next part of my life. I want to have my own place again. I want to have my own belongings and furnishings around me. I want my own life back.
Yes, there have been blessings and gifts over these past three months while I’ve stayed with my family. Yes, I get all sorts of time with them after living 6 hours away for the past two years. No matter how welcome they say I am, I still know that I’m just visiting. And the bulk of my furniture is still in Wisconsin. My old room-mate has been amazingly understanding and patient, allowing me to leave things there rather than moving everything to a storage facility. (Part of me thinks she’s hoping things won’t work out here and I’ll come back.)
Never the less, I feel like I’m living ‘in between’. I’m not really there anymore and I’m not quite here yet.
Even my car insurance company is wondering. I got a referral letter recommending an agent here. To transfer my insurance. But I don’t have my own address, because I don’t live here yet. It’s just complicated.
And I don’t know why.
I do know that I have no control over the decision. I don’t get to choose when I can to move in. It isn’t up to me. All I can do is WAIT.
If I could choose, I’d go to Wisconsin on Saturday and load my things and move in on Sunday. I’d set up my apartment, unpack the dishes, make the beds and hang pictures. I’d meet my new neighbors and start the Singles Group. I’d have new friends to spend time with on my days off. And maybe I’d feel free to meet a special someone. It’s not like I’d want to have a special someone pick me up at my daughter’s house. Where he’d have to meet my whole family, grand kids included, just to take me to a movie. There’s a certain order to things and meeting the kids and grandkids before the first date, just feels, well, awkward.
So I’m just hanging out over here.. waiting. Why? I have no idea!