Posted in Lessons Learned

I Have No Idea!

why

As most of you know.. I have this issue with impatience. It’s a big issue and one that I can’t seem to make peace with.
I once told a friend that ‘patience’ should be a four letter word.
And his response to me was, “It is.. it’s called “WAIT.”
Smarty pants!

I’ve been an advocate of ‘moving froward’; ‘taking that next step’; “living each day to the fullest’. You get the idea.
So when things don’t flow, or don’t flow as quickly or as smoothly as I think they ought to. I become perplexed. I begin looking for the obstacles in the path. I figure that if I can identify the obstacle, I will be able to figure out a plan for moving it, removing it or making peace with it and finding a different path toward the same goal. I’ll take the direct route or the scenic route, either way, I still arrive at the desired outcome.

But… life usually has other plans for me. I hate that!
Life says that the apartment I’ve been waiting on for the past three months, that’s just sitting there empty, that’s in the perfect location, and has a floor plan I love….. just isn’t ready for me yet. Why? I don’t know. I just know that they haven’t given me a move-in date. And it’s driving me nuts!
I want to be settled. I want to get on with this next part of my life. I want to have my own place again. I want to have my own belongings and furnishings around me. I want my own life back.

Yes, there have been blessings and gifts over these past three months while I’ve stayed with my family. Yes, I get all sorts of time with them after living 6 hours away for the past two years. No matter how welcome they say I am, I still know that I’m just visiting. And the bulk of my furniture is still in Wisconsin. My old room-mate has been amazingly understanding and patient, allowing me to leave things there rather than moving everything to a storage facility. (Part of me thinks she’s hoping things won’t work out here and I’ll come back.)

Never the less, I feel like I’m living ‘in between’. I’m not really there anymore and I’m not quite here yet.
Even my car insurance company is wondering. I got a referral letter recommending an agent here. To transfer my insurance. But I don’t have my own address, because I don’t live here yet. It’s just complicated.

And I don’t know why.

I do know that I have no control over the decision. I don’t get to choose when I can to move in. It isn’t up to me. All I can do is WAIT.

If I could choose, I’d go to Wisconsin on Saturday and load my things and move in on Sunday. I’d set up my apartment, unpack the dishes, make the beds and hang pictures. I’d meet my new neighbors and start the Singles Group. I’d have new friends to spend time with on my days off. And maybe I’d feel free to meet a special someone. It’s not like I’d want to have a special someone pick me up at my daughter’s house. Where he’d have to meet my whole family, grand kids included, just to take me to a movie. There’s a certain order to things and meeting the kids and grandkids before the first date, just feels, well, awkward.

So I’m just hanging out over here.. waiting. Why? I have no idea!

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “I Have No Idea!

  1. Hi Jeannie
    We all know why you are waiting. It sounds so perfect that i know you will wait patiently (even though you dont know what that means (lol) )
    I wish you happiness in your new place and one day im sure you will say … It was worth the wait 😉
    Take care and in the mean time .. Enjoy what you have
    Hugs
    Thys

  2. Oh Jeannie, I can so relate to your frustration. I understand just how much you need to move on, to have your own space again. Not to feel suffocated.

    All my life someone has lived with me, always someone to help, someone in need. Mostly family.

    Recently, plans were in motion. I was ready to sell this big house, to get my life back, to finally live alone. And then…

    In May my daughter and granddaughter had to move in. I am their sole means of support. It will be a long stay.

    You’re in my prayers, my friend. May the move happen soon.
    blessings ~ maxi

  3. I am not very patient myself and when I am ready to move on, to do something and get to the next level I just want it to happen. Howver often that is not the case. Case in point—-I am waiting for our house to sell so I can move to Texas to be with my husband where he took a new job. It is painful. Very painful and I am very impatient to get on with the next chapter of our lives but selling our house is not happening at the moment so I am trying very hard to be patient. It’s hard. I hope your transition happens sooner rather than later.

    1. Oh Beth Ann,
      You also have a difficult wait on your hands. Some days I feel like taking the place that was so much less than perfect. I know I’d regret it by the second week living there.

  4. Nothing like homemade ice cream!!! My grandfather used to make it for us kids each summertime. Love the stuff. So much better than the gunk I can run into the store for, plunk down $5, and leave with in 2 minutes.

    You like real ice cream Jeannie?

    1. You made me laugh Richard. Thank you for the refocus on all of the wonderful blessings I have every single day. And home-made ice cream.. you bet I do!
      I’ll wait for the ‘real’ home.
      Hugs,
      Jeannie

  5. You’re out there my lovely, ‘shaking the tree’ and I just know that the perfect apple for you is about to drop. Love you heaps…hang in there my love…your stream sparkles. ❤ xXx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s