So remember the movie with Julia Roberts? Eat-Pray-Love. Well in the last section of the movie, the Love section.. where she meets that sexy guy? How he almost runs her over and then they connect at a party. She gets drunk out of her mind and he comes to her aid. And they find this deeply intimate connection. But then as he asks her for more commitment, she feels fear, and even runs away?
Well…. guess what? (smiling that giddy kind of smile) I am in the process of getting to know a guy like that. He has these eyes that draw you in.
And guess what else? He’s a writer. A very good writer, I might add.
Is it too soon to jump up and down and dance my little happy dance?! I think NOT!!
(Happy dance in progress!)
Okay, so now that I’ve sort of landed back on earth, I’m scared. Just like Julia Roberts was afraid.
Fears from her past came rushing in. Trying to spoil the happy dance. Damn it.
I’ll probably be giving him the name of my blog at some point, so it’s likely that he’ll read this very post. (How embarrassing is that?)
Julia’s character, Liz Gilbert has this amazing quote at the end of the movie:
“Liz Gilbert: In the end, I’ve come to believe in something I call “The Physics of the Quest.” A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.”
– See more at: http://www.great-quotes.com/quotes/movie/Eat+Pray+Love#null
The truth will not be withheld from you.
I took a 6000 mile journey by myself. I left everything behind… my home and family and friends and a few resentments too. I found many teachers along the way. And I didn’t like the realities about myself that I found both during my trek through Montana (it took 3 days of driving) and even more truths while I was in Janesville.
The truth was not withheld from me. It of course was there all along. I just couldn’t see through my own beliefs about myself to see the truth. So on this journey, the same lesson was taught to me over and over again. And I didn’t get the answer until today.
It was during a conversation with my oh-so-wise daughter this afternoon. I was telling her about the Eat-Pray-Love guy, and about my subsequent fears lurking there. As she and I searched for the origins of this dilemma so that I can resolve it once and for all and not need to replay any bulls**t lessons, that we came up with a clear and unified, “I have no idea” what the origins are. As she got ready to hang up she did pacify me with, “If I think of it I’ll call you.”
So it was this evening that I visited with Eat-Pray-Love guy again. He put another smile on my face and shared some of his writing with me, some of his family history, and a dream or two that he still has. And then I had to go to work. But during my down time, I came here and started to write. And that’s when it came to me.
For all of the searching I’ve done, for all of the teachers that have crossed my path, for all of the hard lessons and tears and pseudo-therapy from friends, I found the answer all by myself, as I wrote.
I don’t need to apologize for being any part of who I am. I don’t have to be something more than what I am or who I am. Because who I am is exactly what I was created to be.
I am human and I have flaws. I also have many gifts and talents that I openly and freely share.
I am beautiful and kind and loving and passionate and exuberant and silly and tender and strong, but most importantly I AM WORTHY.
That was my lesson to learn.
Won’t you join me? It’s time to Happy Dance!