Last night as I was getting ready to go to work, Chuck called. He’s just getting off work as I’m going into work. So we use this transition time to check in with each other.
I was telling him about a job I had applied for earlier in the day. A pretty cool one. Of course right after I filled out the online application and attached a resume and cover letter and hit send, of course. I went to take a nap before work.
They say that when you dream it’s your mind trying to manage stress that has occurred during the day. Well, I didn’t think that merely applying for a job was stressful But I guess it is. At least it was yesterday.
I had a similar job for a few years while I worked at the hospital. As I laid in bed just moments from sleep, I started to remember when I first began that job. I remembered the psychologists I had worked with. I remembered some of the life events occurring in my personal life at that time. Like getting married to my ex, moving to a new town, starting this new job. Total life change.
My nap was not restful. In fact, I never reached a sound sleep. And then it was time to get up. I showered, still thinking about the dream. And applying for this job that has the potential to change my life in much the same way as the first time I did that work. As I was drying my hair, I felt a moment of relief with the warm air blowing through my hair. That’s when I heard the phone.
Usually I don’t have any problem finding the right words to describe things. Like feelings and stuff. But I was struggling a lot with finding a single word to describe how that dream affected me. I came up with words like: Overwhelmed. Scared. None that were comforting at all to Chuck.
But he stepped right into the thick of things with the perfect words. “Jeannie, Jeannie, It’s gonna be alright.” “This is one step at a time. There is no rush. If you get the job you can stay here on the days you work and go back to your apartment on your days off.” “We can keep the apartment for a year even. We can go stay there on weekends to spend time with your kids and grandkids. We’ll have a comfortable place to stay when we’re there.”
Who knows how it will work out. I might get the job, or not. But I learned something important today. I learned that I can fall (Or jump as the case may be) into his arms. Chuck became a safety net for me. He could see rationally when my mind was busy swirling in details. I felt heard even when I couldn’t find the right words. And I felt safe. Even with his arms a couple of hours away, I felt as if they were wrapped all around me.